Kyuubi no Akatsuki
by ZenoNoKyuubi
Summary: FFXFan13 has adopted this. It's his now.
1. Betrayal and an invitation

**Hmm this is my first fic... I'm... I'm... I'm SCARED! What if it's not the success I want it to be? Plz try not to judge me to hard. Well! I suppose we should get on with the story ne?**

**My English might suck a little sometimes. I'm Swedish... yea...**

**Don't own Naruto... if I did he would join the Akatsuki... Don't own them either. Wow, this really sucks. DAMN YOU KISHIMOTO!!! GIVE THE SHOW TO ME!!!

* * *

**

Naruto is limping around aimlessly in the forest about a mile outside of Konoha. That heartless shrieking pinkhaired daughter of a goat! Calling him a demon for fulfilling his promise!

The ultimate assassination jutsu! Flashback no jutsu!

he was slowly making my way towards the gates of Konoha. Kinda hard to walk fast when you have an unconscious Sasuke on your back and a Chidori wound in your chest.

As he arrived he saw that familiar fluff of pink standing at the entrance.

"Sakura-chan! I kept my promise!" he yelled and grinned.

She turned around and smiled when she heard this. When she HEARD this! But when she saw the state of her Sasuke-kun her smile disappeared and her face showed nothing but anger.

You know what she did when she ran up to him? She SLAPPED him! And then she had the nerve to start yelling at him!

"Look at what you did to Sasuke-kun! I asked you to bring him back alive, not half dead!"

He was, as you probably can guess, stunned, to say the least.

"Sakura-chan... what..."

"SHUT UP! YOU NEARLY KILLED HIM! I guess what the villagers said are true! You are a demon!"

At that moment he felt his heart shatter.

He said... nothing... He just turned around and limped away as she tended to her _precious Uchiha_!

Flashback no jutsu: KAI!

So here he was. Tired. Very tired.

**"You need to rest or you'll die Kit. Let me heal your wounds."**

'Thanks Kyuu.'

He lies down next to a tree and let the fox heal his wounds.

'How dare she do that to me!? If it wasn't for me that Teme would've... WAIT A MINUTE HOW COME YOU CAN TALK TO ME!?'

**"Well... when you used that much of my powers you established a mental link with me."**

'Simple as that?'

**"Simple as that Kit"**

'Kit? What's up with that?'

**"Simple really. I've seen how the villagers treated you. They have shunned you, beaten you, and even starved you. Yet you never gave in to hatred like i did and i respect that."**

'You... respect me?'

**"Yes i do. We'll talk later Kit. Because now you really need to go to sleep."**

'Thanks Kyuu, that means alot to me. It really does.'

He fell asleep with a small smile on his face.

* * *

**"Wake up Kit! Someone's coming!"** Kyuubi's voice boomed in his head. 

He stood up and looked around searching for the person who just woke him up from best sleep he's had in ages.

"Naruto-kun. You will come with us now." comes the monotone voice of none other than... (Drumroll please)... Uchiha Itachi! With his trusty companion... (Drumroll again)... Sharkface! ...Umm... I mean: Hoshigaki Kisame!

"Oh... It's just you guys. I thought it might be some Hunter-nin trying to take me back to Konoha." he said with a bored voice.

To say they were just a little surprised was like saying Gai was just a little creepy.

"You're not going to try and run or anything?" says Itachi with a dissapointed voice. 'And we went through all that trouble setting up those Genjutsus and traps!' were the disappointed thoughts of Kisame.

"Why bother? If i run you'll catch me and if i fight you'll beat me." he said in a monotone voice that could rival Itachis own.

Kisame leans over and whispers ever so loudly into Itachis ear: "Dude! What did they do to him?"

"I think they broke him." he whispers back.

Itachi then turned to him. "So... will you come willingly and join the Akatsuki?"

"JOIN!? What happend to the whole 'We will capture and extract the Bijuus.' thing?" he asked surprise written all over his face.

"Oh that. That was for those who didn't come willingly." He said off handedly like he was talking about the weather. "Plus... you have a powerful bloodline that shouldn't have to go to waste."

He stood shocked. "Bloodline?" he asked. "Bloodline." was the answer.

"What kind of bloodline?"

"Your mothers bloodline. Metal manipulation." When he sees the questioning look on Narutos face he says: "It's not unlocked yet however. One of the Chakra blocking seals placed on you are blocking the bloodline from activating."

"Chakra blocking seals?" Naruto asked.

"Yes. You have thirty CBS (I'm gonna say CBS cuz it's to annoying to write Chakra blocking seals.) on you that are preventing you from absorbing to much of the kyuubis chakra all at once. But one of the seals must have been misplaced and blocked off the bloodline instead."

"Well... Can you remove it?"

"That really depends... Will you join us?"

"Hmm... I'll have to discuss this with my inner demon." he said.

"Very well..."

'Oi Kyuu! What do you think?'

**"I guess you can join them... It's not like you have anywhere to go right?"**

'You're right.' He looked at Itachi "Ok. I'll join."

"Excellent. But before you can join we will have to train you until you can go toe to toe with at least one of us in an all out spar." Itachi said with an evil smirk.

Kisame had a maniacal grin. "Hehehe. Welcome to hell Gaki!" Naruto could only gulp.

* * *

Konoha

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune yelled as she burst into the Hokages office.

"What is it Shizune?"

"Sakura just came into carrying Uchiha Sasuke! But she said Naruto-kun left the village!"

"WHAT!?" Tsunade yelled as she crushed the sake bottle in her hand. "Why did he leave!?"

"I don't know Tsunade-sama. I came here as soon as i was toldthat he left." Shizune said as she was on the verge of tears.

"Take me to her!" "Hai!"

* * *

Konohas Hospital room 348 

"I'm so glad your allright Sasuke-kun! That idiot almost killed you!" Sakura said as she hugged Sasuke.

"Where's Naruto?" Sasuke asked looking around. He was sure Naruto would be there to greet him when he woke up.

"That baka? He left the village when i told him off for trying to kill you."

"You what!?" he yelled while getting out off the hospital bed. Suddenly the door opened... or rather exploded when a pissed off Tsunade came in.

"Is it true that Naruto left the village!?" she yelled while glaring at Sakura.

"Yes! He couldn't handle it when i told him off for trying to kill Sasuke-kun!" she exclaimed thinking she did a good thing.

"You WHAT!!! What did you tell him Sakura!?" yelled a pissed off Uchiha.

"Sasuke... kun... what..." she said while looking at Sasuke.

"TELL ME SAKURA WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM!?" yelled Sasuke as he grabbed her arm rather violently.

"I-I t-told h-hi-him that t-the vi-villagers were right a-about him. A-And tha-at h-he was a d-d-demon." said a scared Sakura as she started to feel the killing intent rolling off Tsunade, Shizune and Sasuke. Next thing you know she was flying straight into a solid surface called a wall.

"Damnit! Shizune! Get all the uninjured members of the rookie 12 and the jounin senseis to my office! Now!"

"H-Hai Tsunade-sama!"

"Please get him back Hokage-sama!" said Sasuke. Tsunade turned to look at him.

"Why do you care Uchiha? If you hadn't left this wouln't have happened!" She said with malice in her voice.

"Because he's like a brother to me!" said Sasuke "He managed to make me see that revenge isn't everything in this world."

Tsunade looked at him with pity in her eyes. "I'll do what i can." with that she rushed to her office.

* * *

Meanwhile with our favorite trio

Naruto is currently sitting underneath a tree sweating like a pig in an oven. Kisame noticed that Naruto was staring intently at him.

"What are you staring at Brat?"

"I've been thinking" Naruto said while cupping his chin. "Are those gills real or are they just for show?"

"They're real." was the answer.

"Ok"

**"Oy Kit come to the cage. We need to talk."**

"Hmm... Kyuubi is calling me. Gonna pass out now." Naruto said as he went into his mindscape.

* * *

In the mindscape

"Okay i'm here. Now what was so important that i had to come in here?"

**"I know a way to make you stronger Kit." **came the reply of the ever so charming Kyuubi.

"Really? How?" Naruto asked exitedly.

**"You can rip off all the chakra blocking seals and unlock your bloodline. But it has a price."**

"And that would be?"

**"Well since all my demonic chakra will flood you, your body will have to adapt and change. In other words: you will become a Hanyou (1)."**

"And the effects of that would be?"

**"Well... I would die and just become an enoying voice in your head. You will get all my powers, knowledge and memories.Tails, fangs, clawes and slitted pupils but you can put a demonic illusion over that. And enhanced sences."**

"Hmm" Naruto pondered for a minute. "Ah screw it! What have i got to lose?" he said as he walked up to the seals. "Thanks Kyuu."

**"No problem Kit"** and with that he ripped off the seals.

* * *

In the real world...

Demonic chakra blasted from Narutos body scaring Kisame and Itachi for a brief moment until it dissapeared just as fast as it came. But what surpriced them was the tails that sprouted from his tailbone. Nine of them to be precise. Then Naruto rose from the ground and looked at them.

"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?" yelled Kisame as he looked at Naruto with eyes the size of dinner plates.

"I removed the chakra blocking seals and absorbed the Kyuubi resulting in me becoming a Hanyou." Naruto said like it was the most common thing in the world.

"What about the Kyuubi?" Itachi asked.

"He is just and i quote: 'an annoying voice in my head' and i got all his powers, knowledge, memories and" he sid as his hand transformed into a blade "My bloodline."

"Cool" was the only word our blue swordsman could think of. "Indeed" came the Uchihas reply.

"So... You think i can go toe to toe against you?" said Naruto.

* * *

**End Chapter 1**

**So tell me what you think! If i get enough good reviews i'll keep writing but otherwise... this fic is doomed.**

**Like i said; this is my first fic so be gentle.**

**(1) Hanyou: Half demon**

**Bye for now R&R**


	2. AN must read!

**YO! ZnK here! I'm sorry if you think this is a chapter... I know i hate this kinda shit but it's really important.**

**Narutos bloodline:**

**the metal manipulation is simply just like the evil terminator in T2, meaning; he can... well, he can bend metal to his own will thats basicaly it.**

**Well! Who do you think Narutos partner should be?**

**Review!**

**Leader-sama commands you! OoOoOoOh**

**Ja Ne!!!  
Disappears in a puff of smoke**


	3. Narutos fun night!

**YO! I'm back! This time i'm making sure to have at least 10,000 words as to apologise for the short chapter last time.  
There's gonna be alot of OOC****  
Anyway... On with the story!  
**

**

* * *

**

_Last time on Kyuubi no Akatsuki_

_"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?" yelled Kisame as he looked at Naruto with eyes the size of dinner plates._

_"I removed the chakra blocking seals and absorbed the Kyuubi resulting in me becoming a Hanyou." Naruto said like it was the most common thing in the world._

_"What about the Kyuubi?" Itachi asked._

_"He is just and i quote: 'an annoying voice in my head' and i got all his powers, knowledge, memories and" he sid as his hand transformed into a blade "My bloodline."_

_"Cool" was the only word our blue swordsman could think of. "Indeed" came the Uchihas reply._

_"So... You think i can go toe to toe against you?" said Naruto._

_

* * *

_

"We'll see Gaki!" said Kisame and grinned getting into a loose stance with a secure grip on his Samehada.

One blink. One blink was all it took for Naruto to disappear from Kisames view.

'Behind' Thought Kisame when he sensed a chakra signature behind him and put up Samehada to block a set of claws sprouting from the newly made Hanyous left fist (Think Wolverine. GOD I LOVE THOSE CLAWS!!!) then he had to dodge another set of claws from the boys right fist. Again said Hanyou disappeared and appeared above him and slamed a metalcoated axe kick into Kisames left shoulder easily dislocating it.

'The brat is not only fast! He's strong to!' thought Kisame as he flew into a tree courtesy of a back spin kick to the ribs. He slowly rose and grinned as he thought 'Heh, this could actually get fun!' and popped the shoulder back into it's socket again.

"How's that Sharkface? Do you want me to stop holding back and start fighting seriously?" yelled our blond haired hero while sporting a huge grin that seemed somewhat maniacal. 'This power! Oi Kyuu how come you lost to the 4th if you had this much power at your disposal?' asked Naruto our friendly neighbourhood spiderman...err fox.

**"It's simple really.. He caught me off guard and used a sealing jutsu that summoned a creature even more powerful than myself." **answered the fox.

'Oh yeaa. right!' was Narutos thought right before he disappeared yet again but this time ended up right infront of Kisame and gave him a metal coated kick in the nuts that he wouldn't forget anytime soon. (Sorry Kisame and all men out therebut it was for the better...I think...)

"Fatality! Flawless victory!" sounded Itachis voice while Kisame passed out from the pain.

"Hmm.. Maybe i overdid it a little?" mused Naruto before he turned around and walked over to Itachi. "So, did i pass?" he asked while cracking his knuckles "Or do i have to give you a nutcracker to?" at those words hit him Itachi visibly paled.

"Y-Yeah. Y-You p-pass." Itachi tried desperatly to hide his stutter but failed miserably. (I mean serioulsy! who wouldn't be afraid of getting a kick from a leg made out of pure metal in the crotch.) "Kisame get up and let's train him some more." Itachi said in his usual monotone voice. 'I'm gonna have to watch out for this kid! He is dangerous! I wonder when Jiraiya-samas next book is released?" Mused Itachi (CLOSET PERVERT!) until Kisame came limping towards them rubbing his sore crotch.

**"Kit... That was low... Even for a demon." **Naruto just flashed his foxy grin and turned to Kisame. "Hehe... Sorry Sharkface, i just wanted to end it as soon as possible."

"Yea. No problem..." muttered Kisame under his breath. 'Damn brat! I'm probably never gonna be able to spread my seed now!"

"We should really find someplace to stay for the night or maybe you two want to sleep outside tonight?" said Itachi getting up from his spot under a tree, grabbed Naruto and Kisame and Shunsined away.

* * *

Konoha Hokages office 

Kakashi, Team 10 and Gai with jounin senseis minus Sasuke, Sakura and Sasukes retrieval team were standing in the Hokages office.

"Listen up! Naruto left the village yesterday after he brought Uchiha Sasuke back." Tsunade said.

"WHAT!" came the answer in unison from the group.

"B-But... W-Why? Why would h-he d-do that? H-He loves this village?" asked Hinata through teary eyes.

"Appearently Sakura said something that hurt him very deeply. And i need someone to track him down and bring him back."

"We'll do it." said Kurenai (OOOOH I LOVE YOU KURENAI!!!) "Our team is the best tracking team around even without Kiba."

"Ok, i want you to bring him back as soon as possible." Tsunade said. When nobody moved she added "GO!" and everyone left.

* * *

Random nonimportant town about fiftyfive...ish miles away from Konoha 

"Ooooh this hotel looks nice!" exclaimed Kisame pointing towards a five star hotel with an onsen, and not just any onsen. MIXED BATH!!

"Yes. This will do." answered Itachi with a perverted blush thinking about the onsen. 'Kukukuku... All those beutiful naked women. This is gonna rock!'

"Can we afford this?" asked Naruto. "I mean it's a five star hotel."

"Of course we can afford it! We'll pay with the 'Akatsuki Money Fountain'!" Kisame said while pumping his fist into the air.

"The 'Akatsuki Money Fountain'?" asked Naruto while sweatdropping.

"He means our bank account. It's pretty large." explained Itachi 'And it has bought me ALOT of Icha Icha books!' At that thought Naruto and Kisame could have sworn that they heard a perverted giggle coming from their red eyed companion.

"Dude, Itachi... are you a pervert?" said Kisame while walking into the hotel.

"Of course not! What makes you say that?"

"You giggled." Kisame said and looked at Naruto "Didn't he giggle Gaki?"

"Yup! And it was perverted to! And i know a perverted giggle when i hear one. I've been training with the king of perverts!" grinned Naruto.

'Damn! I'm caught.' thought Itachi after renting three luxury suites and handing each of his companions a key. 'Or maybe if i...'

"Oh look! A unicorn!" He exclaimed while pointing at the entrance.

"What! Where!" yelled both Kisame and Naruto and turned to look at the entrance.

"SUCKERS!" yelled Itachi and ran up to his suite.

"Damn him! Playing my weakness like that!" yelled Kisame while still looking around for the unicorn.

"Dude... you do know the unicorn aint there right?" said Naruto while sweatdropping.

"Hehe... of course i do!" laughed Kisame nervously. "What do you take me for? A moron?"

"Whatever... i'm going to the onsen." said Naruto with a slight perverted blush. 'Damn you ero-sennin! YOU'RE RUBBING OFF ON ME!!!'

**"That would be me..."**

'What?'

**"Yea... Hormones and stuff... Think of it as early puberty..."**

'What will happen?'

**"Oh you know. Growth spurt, hormones and... ahemm... **_mating season**..." **_The last part was just a whisper but unfortunatly... Naruto heard it.

'Oh okay. WAIT WHAT!? MATING SEASON!!??'

**"Yea but that won't be for a couple of years. Probably when your about 17-18 years old."**

'Ooookay but what about this growth spurt?'

**"Basicaly you will... well grow. EVERYTHING will grow. Including your... yeah... that."**

'That? what do you mean that?' asked Naruto while sitting down in the onsen. Then he had an idea of what the fox meant. 'Ooooooh... THAT... cool.'

**"Yeah."**

While he was talking one of the most beautiful women Naruto ever had seen stepped into the onsen. She had long red silk like hair that reached her lower back, one of the most beautiful faces ever, a wellshaped ass, long sensual legs and breasts that made Naruto think of a certain red eyed jounin (guess who!). Needless to say, when Naruto saw the woman he got red enough to make a tomato jealous. Did i mention she was butt naked?

The woman, Gyokumon (1), a well known nymphomaniac saw this and giggled. (Hmm... I wonder what's gonna happen now?)

"You like what you see cutie?" she asked. Naruto, being as embaressed as he was, could only nod while staring at her... assets...

Gyokumon, thinking he was older than twelve, (He grew alot while being transformed into a Hanyou. he's now about 5" 9' about 180 cm i think.) started walking over to him swaying her hips seductively in all her naked glory. Naruto immediatly paled. Not because he was scared but because all the blood in his face had gone down south.

"Maybe you don't just wanna see. Maybe you wanna touch me too hmm?" she said and grabbed his hands and put them on her perfect breasts. Narutos spare blood reserve in his legs immediatly shot up to his face as he went 64 shapes of red. She then lowered herself to his eyelevel (He's sitting down. he's normally around her height.) and whispered sedutively in his ear

"Well, if you want more you can find me in my room. It's number 266." then she winked at him "See you later cutie." she said and walked away.

Naruto just sat there for a minute.

'Wait a minute! What the hell am i still sitting here for?!' With that he got up and went up to room 266.

Needless to say, Naruto was in for a night he would never forget.

* * *

Meanwhile in the forest just one mile outside of Konoha 

"This is where the trail ends Kurenai-sensei." said Shino in all his quiet glory.

"Damnit! He couldn't just disappear could he? Unless..." she muttered under her breath. 'Maybe the Akatsuki found him. There is sign of a battle. Shit! Tsunade-sama is not going to be happy about this!' she thought as she trned to her team. "Alright. We'll head back to report to Tsunade-sama. Then we'll wait for Kiba to heal and let him take a sniff around."

"Hai." both members of team 8 said as they turned and started towards Konoha.

'Naruto-kun please be okay.' were the thoughts of, not Hinata but Kurenai. 'Wait! Why did i just think that? I'm not starting to develop a crush on him am i?' she asked herself as they reached the gates.

* * *

The random town 

While Kurenai thought about her developing crush Naruto was currently lying in a bed straddled by a crazy, hot nymphomaniac who proceeded to ride him like she hadn't been fucked in years for the... ooh i'd say fifteenth time.

* * *

Next morning Naruto woke up extremely tired and saw that the nympho had already left the bed. When he got up and dressed he saw a note on the dresser. 

_Hey cutie! I'm going back home to Karakura town. You have until 15:00 to get the fuck out of the room. Call me if your ever in Karakura._

_Gyokumon 543-9821_

Needless to say Naruto took the number and got the hell out of there.

Once he got to his suite he ordered ramen (ROOMSERVICE! WOOOO!!!) and then he took a long and cold shower. When he ate his breakfast ramen there was a knock on the door.

'Please be her, Please be her, Please be her, Please be her.' But he was disappointed when he only saw Kisame standing there.

"Hey brat! I heard you had some fun last night! Welcome to manhood kid!" grinned Kisame.

"Hey! How did you know that Sharkface?" he asked ignoring the glare sent his way from said shark.

"Well duuuh! I think the whole town could hear you yesterday! Good job brat!"

"What do you want?" Naruto asked with a bored voice.

"Were leaving this town to start your training." Kisame said in a bright, cheery and very non-Kisame like voice. Buuut that changed immediatly to a grumpy voice. "So hurry up and get ready brat!"

"Alright already! Calm down Sharkface." He said pissing Kisame off.

"Will you stop calling me that?"

"If you call me Naruto, i'll call you Kisame."

"Ok. I'm cool with that." Kisame grinned and patted Naruto in the back. Patted - Slammed him into the ground.

"I'm glad to see you both so nice and friendly. Now let's go." Itachi said from the corner of Narutos room scaring them both shitless.

* * *

**Hey! I'm sorry it wasn't 10000 words but i wanted to update as soon as possible! I've had some major writers block. It really sucks!**

**Well if you got any ideas for me please tell me.**

**R&R!!!**

**Leader-sama commands you!!**

**(1) Gyokumon - beautifully decorated gate (euphemism for female genitalia)**


	4. Joining, pranking and a Nympho

**YO! I'm back!**

**I have chosen the partner and it's... (Drumroll please)...TOBI!!**

**Think about it! Two playful guys with great prankster minds! Together they could DESTROY THE WORLD!!! (add evil scientist laugh here)**

**Enjoy!

* * *

**Konoha

'Where are you Naruto?' were the thoughts of our favorite broody Mr Uchiha Sasuke, who was currently sitting on top of the Hokage monument watching the sun set.

--Hokages office--

Tsunade was currently drowning in paperwork when a knock came on the door.

"Come in." she said, relieved that someone came to save her from dealing with her worst enemy. And in stepped team 8 with downcasted looks on their faces.

"We couldn't find him Hokage-sama. We followed his trail until we came to a clearing where we saw signs of battle but there the trail ended." Kurenai said sadly as Tsunade was on the verge of tears. "We found no blood though." at this Tsunade brightened up a little.

"So that means there's still a chance he might be alive." she said as she breated a sigh of relief. "You are dismissed."

"Hai, Hokage-sama" they said in unison and walked out the door. As soon as they had left Tsunade reached for a floor board and underneath it was... SAKE! Lots and lots of sake!

Needless to say, she was in for one hell of a hangover.

* * *

Forest 

Itachi sat down underneath a tree (He seems to do that alot) "Naruto-kun. No doubt you are stronger than us but we still need to work on your chakra control and teach you a few techniques before you can join our ranks." he said while chewing on a piece of Pockey.

"Yeah, you can't just rely on brute strength in a battle dude." Kisame said sternly while reading a book labeled 'Sharks: Kings of the ocean'

"And why is that?" Naruto asked sitting crosslegged, still tired from yesterdays events.

"For example, if you battle a long range fighter and don't have any long range jutsus. Who would win?" Itachi said pulling out 'Icha Icha Tactics' and began reading.

"The long range fighter... I knew that."

"Then you know why you need to learn some long and mid range jutsus."

"Yeah..."

"Well! Let's get started! I'm gonna make you the best fighter that ever walked this earth!" exclaimed Kisame while pumping his fist into the air.

"Yeaaah... We're gonna start off with chakra control. Learning to control might even make it easier to control your metal." Itachi said looking up from his book.

"So what are we going to do?" Naruto asked while backing away from an overly excited Kisame. "I already know tree climbing and water walking." he said as Itachi got up and took out two kunais and stuck them to the ground (sharp edge up). "You are going to sit on these whitout cutting yourself."

"What?! How am i supposed to do that?!"

"Using chakra. Quite simple really. But hard since there are no tenketsus in your ass so you have to consentrate harder." Itachi said as he flipped his book open and sat down.

"This is going to suck isn't it?" Naruto asked turning to Kisame.

"Big time!" Kisame exclaimed and grinned.

"Just great..." Naruto said and tried to focus chakra to his ass and sat down.

It took him a whole five hours and a whole lot of pain in his ass to get the control exercice. Poor Naruto could only sleep on his stomach that night.

* * *

1 year later; Konoha 

Uchiha Sasuke sat with Kakashi and Sakura on the Hokage monument where they sat once a week and watched the sunset right next to a memorial in Narutos memory. Sakura had realized what a humongous mistake she made after she was slapped out of her fangirl persona by Sasuke and Tsunade took her in as an apprentice after the girl deeply apologised for what she had done. (Sorry all you Sakura bashers but i just can't bring myself to stay mad at this girl. She's too cute.)

"No sign of him anywhere... do guys think he's okay?" asked Sasuke.

"I don't know Sasuke... I hope so. I want to apologise to him." said Sakura while staring at the ground.

Kakashi, who had the decensy not to read his smut, said nothing. He just stared at the sunset deep in thought.

'Naruto. I'm sorry. I failed you as a sensei. Maybe if i would have berrated Sakura everytime she talked down to you she wouldn't have snapped like that... Maybe if i actually tried to teach you something and not push you away she would have thought higher of you.' were his thoughts as he looked back at all the times she hit him and insulted him. He was snapped out off his stupor by Sasukes voice.

"Kakashi-sensei we're leaving. See you tomorrow." He said as he walked away with Sakura.

"Yeah. See ya." said Kakashi lazily. 'If you come back i'll make everything right again Naruto.'

'Itachi. If you've done something to him i'm going to rip off every one of your limbs and give you a slow and very painful death.' were the thoughts of our third favorite Uchiha (Favorite: Itachi Second: Tobi!(coughObitocough)).

* * *

Clearing in forest; just outside yet another random town 

"You've progressed nicely Naruto-kun. I have nothing more to teach you." said Itachi with a hint of pride in his voice.

"Yeah dude! I can't think of anything else to teach you either." said Kisame with ALOT of pride in his voice.

"So does that mean i can join you guys now?" said an excited Naruto.

"Yep! We just have to get to our base and give you your clothes, hat and ring." said Itachi as he started walking away from the clearing.

"Do we have to leave now?" Naruto asked kind of disappointed.

"Yes. Why?"

"Well i kinda promised Akira-chan that we would have some 'fun' when i got back." Naruto said with a perverted blush. He had grown into quite a womanizer over the year after creating an infertalizing seal, making him temporarily infertil, that he could remove if he wished.

"What, that waitress at the café?" asked Kisame with tears in his eyes. "I'm so proud of you dude!"

"Too bad, because we will leave now." said Itachi as he started walking away. He was still mad at Naruto for stealing a girl from him two months earlier.

"Party pooper." said a pouting Naruto.

"Yeah. You'd think that he'd gotten over that bartender girl in Tanzaku city by now." Kisame said while following Itachi.

"Yeah."

* * *

Konoha 

Yuuhi Kurenai could be seen sitting in front of Naruto memorial deep in thought. 'Why do i care so much? I didn't even know him. Yet it hurts. Damn it! How could this happen? Me! The Ice Queen of Konoha falling in love with a teenaged boy! Wait! Did i just say falling in love?' She was very confused.

* * *

1 week later; in front of a mansion in the mountains 

"Here we are!" exclaimed Kisame

"..." Naruto stood there looking at the mansion "...Woah..."

"Yeah, i know awesome isn't it?" Naruto could only nod.

"Let's go inside." said Itachi as he opened the door and walked in with Naruto following closely.

After walking around for about 15 minutes they finally got to a room with eight figures standing there all sporting the same robes.

"Aah. Naruto-kun how nice of you to join us." said a person with alot of piercings, the same hairstyle as Naruto and the freakiest eyes Naruto had ever seen.

"I think introductions are in order. I'm Pein." he said and then pointed to a blue haired woman with origami in her hair. "This is Konan."

"Hello." she said quietly.

"Hidan." Pein said and pointed at a guy with a crazy expression on his face and blond hair. "What's up fucker."

"Kakuzu" A man with a mask and freaky eyes merely nodded.

"Itachi and Kisame you already met." Itachi just closed his eyes while Kisame gave a little wave.

"Deidara" A guy... or maybe it was a girl... nodded and added a "Hn"

"Sasori" Here a hunched over guy raised his head and nodded.

"Zetsu" A guy with a Venus fly trap covering his body and half of his face black smiled and waved.

"And Tobi. He's gonna be your new partner." Here a guy with an orange mask ran forward and started shaking Narutos hand.

"Yo! I'm Tobi! What's your name?"

"Umm... Uzumaki Naruto." Naruto said startled by his speed.

"Oi! Leader told me to take you to your room where you'll find your clothes and shit." said Hidan and started leading Naruto towards his new room.

"This house is awesome!" exclaimed Naruto after ten minutes of walking.

"Yeah i know. And it's nice and quiet away from prying eyes." said Hidan while nodding.

"Yeah."

"Here's your room shitface. A map of the house is on the wall so you don't get lost. Welcome aboard." Hidan said and walked away.

'Crazy guy!'

**"Yeah... Go in there and try on your new clothes Kit"**

'Okay' and with that he wlked in and saw a room that was not a room. No, it was more like that luxury suite he got in the first hotel he visited with Itachi and Kisame.

'Woah... This is awesome!'

**"Indeed" **and with that Naruto started walking around inspecting the "room" and putting on his new clothes which consisted of a pair of black ninja pants, a black sleeveless turtleneck muscleshirt, a pair of black ninja sandals, a black robe with red cloads on it and a rice hat with white strips hanging from it.

Five minutes later Tobi burst through the door scaring the shit out of a sleeping Naruto and making him fall out of the couch.

"Dude! I just thought of a great prank to pull on Kisame! Wanna come?" he asked as Naruto picked himself up from the floor.

"You're a prankster?" Naruto asked and Tobi nodded.

"One of the best!" he exclaimed proudly while pumping his fist in to the air.

"Awesome! I think we're gonna get along just fine dude. So what's the prank?" asked Naruto excitedly.

"Well it involves 'whisper whisper whisper'"

An hour after that Itachi and Kisame were just walking around aimlessly when they were knocked out and dragged away by our two master pranksters.

When Itachi woke up he was in a dark room but he could see Naruto and Tobi stand there chuckling and when stood up he saw Kisame sitting passed out and tied to a chair with a beartrap like metal device attached to his crotch.

"Oh good. You're awake. Don't want you to miss this now do we?" said Naruto and pulled out three plain white ANBU like masks. "Here put these on." He said and gave one to Tobi and one to Itachi.

"Why?" Itachi asked.

"Because we don't want Kisame to know that we were the ones that did this to him." he said and slapped Kisame awake.

"Whassgoinon?" he asked hastily when he noticed that he was tied up.

"Well Kisame-kun. he said and took out a remote and pointed at the metal device "Attached to your crotch is a modified that closes when i press this button." he said and pointed at a button on the remote.

"What? What do you want with me?" Kisame asked sacred out of his wits.

"We want to play a little game with you Kisame-kun." Naruto said with a maniacal voice. "If you win the game, your free to go but if you lose... i'll press this button."

By now Kisame was nearly pissing his pants.

"Here we go." Naruto said and looked down on Kisame.

"You have one second to ask for pizza." he said.

"What?" was the answer.

"Too late... GAME OVER!" Naruto yelled and pressed the button.

At that moment the all villagers of Konoha stopped what they were doing and cringed as they heard the pained screams of one Hoshigaki Kisame.

* * *

Konoha, another year later

Naruto and Tobi had become the worlds most feared Akatsuki members with their assassinations of 13 daimyos, defeating the Hachibi no Yamata and the destruction of Takigakure no Sato (Hidden Village of Craftsmen) and news of Naruto joining the Akatsuki had spread to Konoha resulting in the council,surprisingly, marking him as an 'S' ranked capture on sight missing-nin and the rookie 12 training even harder than they did before so they could be strong enough to bring him back to Konoha.

Appareantly the majority of council had changed their views on Naruto after his speech to Neji and beating Sabaku no Gaara because surely the Kyuubi would not fight his demon brother Shukaku like that. Thus resulting in the capture on sight instead of kill on sight marking.

Naruto and Tobi were also feared in the Akatsuki for their pranking. Dangerous pranking. Kisames crotch still aches by the way. They were known throughout the world as 'The Legendary Prankers' and individually Naruto was called 'The Kiroii Arashi' and Tobi was known as 'The Masked Shadow' with flee on sight orders in Iwa, Kumo and Kiri.

Though the Rookie 12 were shocked to hear that Naruto had joined the Akatsuki they were also relieved that he was still alive and well. Kurenai was happy that he had finally got what he wanted. Being recognized by the villagers. But she was sad that he had to go and become a missing-nin for it to happen.

'I hope you're happy Naruto-kun' she thought as she observed a picture of Team 7 that she got from Kakashi. She told him about her feelings for him one night when he found her sitting infront of Narutos memorial.

* * *

Meanwhile in Wave country 

"Hmm... The Great Naruto Bridge... cool!" said Naruto as he looked at the bridge where he fought the battle he would never forget. His battle with Haku.

"Dude... what did you do here?" Tobi asked as they crossed the bridge.

"Well i.." he started but stopped as they saw a huge gold statue of Naruto with his body full of senbons pumping a closed fist into the air. "Woah..."

"It says someting here." Tobi said as he crouched down to read a plaque in solid gold. "It says: _Uzumaki Naruto, a young man who changed the hearts of the villagers and helped wave prosper once again. _Dude! That's awesome!"

"Yeah i know! I'm just cool like that." Naruto said and admired the statue for several minutes until he heard the sound of a genious' worst nightmare and Narutos favorite crowd.

"FANGIRLS?!" yelled Tobi as he watched the crowd of girls, age ranging from 15-30 years old, come running towards them.

"Oh yeah." Naruto said with a perverted grin as the fangirls came closer.

"Naruto-sama can i have your autograph?!" called one girl "Sign my breast!" called another "Sign my butt!" called another "Naruto-kuuun! Will you have sex with me?!" called a woman in her mid twenties with long red silk hair. On closer inspection he saw the one woman who got him addicted to the sweet drug that is a womans body.

"Gyokumon?!" he yelled and ran up to her "What are you doing here? I thought you said that you lived in Karakura town." he asked as they walked away from the crowd of fangirls.

"I did but i moved away from there a year ago." she said as she started leading her to a café "You never called." she said pouting.

"Sorry about that. I've been training and working up a reputation." he said while ordering an espresso.

"Yeah i heard you got a reputation. 'The Kiroii Arashi' and his partner 'The Masked Shadow'" she said while ordering a cappucino. "Or otherwise known as 'The Legendary Pranksters'. But here you are known as the 'Hero of Wave'."

"Cool." Naruto said while giving her a foxy grin, the grin that had made many women weak in the knees and wet between the legs. This was no exception. He could smell it. "Umm... Tobi. Why don't you go and get us a hotel? I'll walk Miss Gyokumon home." he said as he got up from the table they were sitting at.

"Aah.. Got it!" Tobi said and disappeared in a swirl of leaves. When he was gone Naruto turned to Gyokumon.

"Shall we go?" he asked as he offered her his arm which she gladly accepted.

Another night of fun for Naruto. (Hurray for nymphomaniacs!!)

* * *

**Well, i'll end it here. I think it worked out pretty nice.**

**This will be NaruxKure but they haven't met yet so he's gonna sleep around alot until he meets her.  
I don't know if i'm gonna do the whole 'Kurenai is my love. Now i'm going back to Konoha and get babies and watch them grow up' plot or the 'War is coming, Akatsuki is thrown into it and allies with Konoha' plot**

**Tell me what you want!**

**R&R!!!! LEADER-SAMA STILL COMMANDS YOU!!!!**

**Love the Nymphomaniacs!**

**Until next time, ZnK signing out.**


	5. Inventing, THE GAME and coming home

**Yo! Back again! Now i'm gonna rank the pranks.**

**E-rank - Harmless fun (BOOOH)  
D-rank - Painful individual prank. Example: Bear trap in crotch flat edges - High D-rank  
C-rank - Little pain, multiple targets  
B-rank - ALOT of pain, individual or multiple targets  
A-rank - Shitload of pain, multiple targets  
S-rank - Limb remover HELLUVA lot of pain. individual or multiple targets. Example: Advanced bear trap in crotch, arms, legs or all of 'em. Razor sharp jagged edges High S-rank. (Invented in this chapter)**

**You don't wanna mess with 'The Legendary Pranksters'!**

**On with the story

* * *

**Wave country; Hotel

Naruto was sitting in the kitchen of his suite scribbling on a piece of paper when Tobi walked into the kitchen.

"What're you doing dude?" he asked while looking at the paper.

"I'm thinking of a new prank." Naruto said not taking his eyes off the paper.

"What kind of prank?"

"S-rank."

"Ooh. S-rank! We don't have any of those!" Tobi said excitedly. "So whatcha got so far?"

"I've been thinking about the bear trap." Naruto said cupping his chin with his left hand and holding the paper in his right. "Imagine it. Super powered and razor sharp edges."

"Oooh. The pain they will feel...OH! I got it!" seeing Narutos questioning look he continued "Razor sharp JAGGED edges!"

"Yes! Awesome!" Naruto shouted and scribbled it down on the paper. "This is gonna rock!"

"But who will we use as a test subject?" Tobi said while entering a thinking pose. "Not Kisame Because he would probably die from the bloodloss."

"I have the perfect test subject." said Naruto while looking out the window.

"Who?" Naruto turned around and smirked.

"Let's go play with the Hebi-Teme."

"Aah! Yes, Orochi-san will surely let us test our new 'Crotch Chomper' on him!" Tobi said as they started working on modifying their new 'Crotch Chomper'.

* * *

Meanwhile Orochimarus lair 

Orochimaru suddenly shuddered. 'Why do i have a feeling something bad is going to happen to my crotch?' he thought.

* * *

Wave 

"Completed! Perfection! This is gonna hurt like hell!" exclaimed Naruto and Tobi nodded while admiring their creation. "Now all we need to do is find the Orochi-san and test it out." he said and Naruto nodded. "Well let's go then!" Naruto exclaimed and ran out the door with Tobi following closely.

On the street Naruto saw someone he recognized and stopped.

"Oi! Inari! Tsunami-san!" he yelled and waved at the boy and the woman. "Long time no see!"

At first they didn't recognize him and just stared at him but then it hit them. This was Uzumaki Naruto, Hero of the Wave, Kiroii Arashi and one of The Legendary Pranksters.

"N-Naruto-Nii-chan!" Inari yelled and ran up and hugged Naruto and Tsunami followed suit though not hugging him.

"Hello there Naruto-kun. What brings you here to Wave?" she asked.

"I came here to get Zabuzas sword. Kisame, as one of the seven swordsmen of the mist, has the right to choose a new swordsman incase one of them dies so he gave me permission to use Zabuzas sword." Naruto said and smiled until he felt Tobi elbow him in the ribs and point at the scroll in which they had sealed their new 'crotch chopper'. "Oh yeah! We have to leave wave for now." And when he saw their disappointed faces he said: "We're just gonna be gone for a while and test our new pranking tool." he said and gave them a foxy grin making Tsunami weak in the legs.

"Well i gotta go now but i'll see you guys later!" he said as he and Tobi started running towards Orochimarus closest lair.which was located just outside of Wave.

* * *

Orochimarus lair; just outside of Wave 

Orochimaru was sitting on his throne and shuddered yet again.

'There's that feeling again! Maybe i should switch lairs?' But then he shrugged 'Nah! What could possibly happen?'

An hour after that thought Kabuto came flying through the door unconsious.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" yelled Orochimaru and stood up.

"YOOOHOOO!! Hebi-Teme! Get over here! We need to try something on you!" came a voice from the door. "Yeah come on Orochi-san! Help us out here!" came another voice.

'Those voices! It couldn't be!' His eyes widened when he saw the only two people he has ever been scared of; 'The Legendary Pranksters'.

"Oh hell no!" He shouted and started running away. "You're not testing anything on me!" But he didn't get far as Naruto appeared infront of him and clothelined him and knocked him out.

"Now that that's taken care of" Naruto said and leaned over and whispered into Tobis ear "i need you to 'whisper whisper whisper'"

"Good idea dude! I'll go get a videocamera" Tobi said and ran out of the room.

* * *

Konoha; 1 week later, Hokages office. 

Tsunade sat behind her desk holding a videotape labeled "The Legendary Pranksters' test run S-rank." that she had recieved five minutes earlier. With the tape came a letter from Naruto which she read as soon as she saw his name.

_Yo Baa-chan! _A tick mark showed in Tsunades forhead at this.

_This is a video that you might like to watch. Ero-sennin would like it to. And Kakashi-sensei. Well everyone who hates the Hebi-Teme would like this video but i think Kakashi-sensei would like it the most. Get him to watch it and he might see a familiar face... But don't show it to the Konohamaru corps. Otherwise you can show it to anyone you want. Well me and Tobi better be off. We have to think of some A-rank pranks to use on Kisame and Itachi. MOHAHAHA!!_

_Ja Ne_

_Uzumaki Naruto 'The Legendary Prankster'_

_P.S I might see you soon if things are going to develop the way we think._

As soon as she finished reading she sent for Kakashi, Jiraiya and the Rookie 12.

Fifteen minutes later they were all gathered infront of a TV watching the video.

* * *

On videotape 

Atext came up_ The Legendary Pranksters'_ _test run S-rank prank. 'The Crotch Chomper'_

When the text disappeared you saw a dark room with Orochimaru sitting tied to a chair and gagged with a beartrap like device attached to his crotch looking really pitiful with a pleading look in his eyes (At this Tsunade and Jiraiya smirked because they had NEVER seen their former teammate this scared!).

Suddenly a voice came from the darkest corner of the room.

"Welcome everybody to 'THE GAME'. I'm your host Uzumaki Naruto" he said as he walked into the light (At this everybody gasped at how much Naruto had grown. He was fourteen but looked like a seventeen year old which the women noticed immediatly and blushed) "And this is my cohost Tobi!" at this another figure came into view. He was wearing the same Akatsuki robes as Naruto and the same hairstyle but his hair was jetblack and he had an orange mask that looked kinda swirled with only a hole for his right eye.

"And we are:" Naruto said and nodded to Tobi "The Legendary Pranksters!" They both said in unison.

Naruto flashed his heartmelting fox grin (It made the women in the Hokages office blush even harder as they saw it) and started speaking again.

"Now folks. You will be the first to witness our testing of our new and improved" at this he nodded at Tobi again "CROTCH CHOMPER!!" the yelled in unison. By this point Orochimaru had started crying while shaking his head over and over again.

"Now this is Orochimaru." Naruto said pointing at Orochimaru while smiling. "He has been so generous to voulonteer as our test subject for our new product." At this Orochimaru started shaking his head furiously. "He's a little shy though." Tobi said while slowly shaking his head. "Come on Orochi-san say hello to your dear friends and teammates" he said and removed the gag.

"Let me go you crazy little brat or i'm gonna tear you a new assho-mmph" he said as he was once again gagged. "Tsk tsk Orochi-san. You know that is no way to make new friends." he said in a strikt voice. "Now please continue Naruto."

"Thank you. Now if there's nothing else; LET'S PLAY 'THE GAME'!" He said as Tobi took off Orochmarus gag again.

"Now Hebi-Teme. You see this remote?" he asked pulling out a remote from his robes. "This remote controls that Crotch Chomper you have on you. If i press this button" he said and pointed at the button on the remote "then that Chomper is going to snap shut. Now we're gonna play a little game. If you win, you're free to go but if you lose, i'm going to press this button." he said and once again pointed at the button. "Now are you ready?" he asked.

"No, but i suppose you'll start anyway." Orochimaru said and looked really pitiful in his tied up state.

"Oh how smart you are Hebi-Teme. Well then let's start." Naruto said and started thinking. "Hmmm what to do? What to do?"

"Oh! I got one!" said Tobi while raising his hand like a schoolboy.

"Well then! Go right ahead." Naruto said and let Tobi stand in his spot and gave him the remote.

"Okay, here goes. Pay attention. I was once on a train station waiting for the train to Spring Country when i saw a man with seven wives, every wife had seven sacks and every sack had seven cats and every cat had seven kittens. How many were going to Spring country? You have ten seconds." (At this everyone started counting when Sakura said "That's easy: one was going to Spring Country. He never said that the guy with the wives was going to Spring Country.")

While Orochimaru counted Naruto said after ten seconds. "Times up! What's your answer?"

"2401!" Orochimaru answered quickly.

"Wow! That's fast counting!" exclaimed Tobi. At this Orochimaru breathed a sigh of relief. (And Sakura was really confused.) "But it's wrong. I never said he was going to Spring Country now did i?" he said sounding quite amused.

"Yeah Teme! Weren't you supposed to be the smartest of the sannin?" Naruto said while snorting "I mean Ero-sennin is smarter than that!"

"But... I counted right!" whined Orochimaru.

"Yeah but you didn't give me the right answer. Game Over dude!" said Tobi and pressed the button.

"NOOOO!!!!" yelled Orochimaru, his voice getting higher and higher pitched as the razor sharp Crotch Chomper slowly closed shredding through every little piece of skin or muscle that came in it's way until it was completely closed and fell to the floor. Orochmarus crotch still inside it. With him screaming like a little girl until he was gagged again.

"Dude! It closed to slowly! I told you it had to SNAP shut not just slowly close itself!" yelled Naruto while leaning against Orochimarus crying head.

"Gomen" Tobi said in an apologetic tone. "But at least now we know it works, right?!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Yeah. But if we'd put someone smarter in that chair like Sakura, we wouldn't even have been able to see this. I bet that if shes watched this she figured it out about hmm... three seconds after you asked the question. But even if she was dumb it wouldn't have worked." Naruto said.

"And why is that if i may ask?" asked Tobi.

"She's a girl dumbass! Our Crotch Chompers are useless against her!" Naruto yelled honestly surprised by Tobis question.

"Oh yeah... Well anyway, on with the show! I'm going to show you something that will surprise all of you, but especially you Kakashi." He said as he walked up to the camera "Drumroll please" at that Naruto started drumming on Orochmarus head. "My real name is..." he said as he reached for his mask. Instead of hearing the sound of a drum stick hitting a Top Hat when Tobi removed his mask you heard the sound of Narutos hand smacking Orochimarus head. (As the people saw the face that was under Tobis mask they all gasped) "Uchiha Obito!" he said and smiled. His face looked pretty much the same as when he was twelve except he had an eyepatch covering his empty left eye socket.

"Sorry for hiding like this Kakashi but i needed some time away from Konoha. And now 15 years later i think i might be ready to come back! That's if Naruto here is also ready to come back. You could say that we have taken a vacation from Konoha to clear our minds ain't that right Naruto?" he said as he slung an arm around Narutos neck.

"Yup! But we're running out of time now. We'll just finish off this trash for you guys and then we'll go prank our fellow Akatsuki members. Oh and by the way Sasuke. It's time for you to learn the truth." he said as he removed Orochimarus gag. "Now Hebi-Teme another question that will determine if your death shall be quick and painless or slow and painful: "Who slaughtered the Uchiha clan?" he asked while Obito clenshed and unclenshed his fists. "If you answer truthfully it will be quick and painless." Naruto said with his arms behind his back showing the camera two crossed fingers.

"I did it! Now please just kill me quickly!" yelled Orochimaru (Totally OOC!)

"Sorry Hebi-Teme. But i crossed my fingers. Tough luck." Naruto said as metal started coating his hands. "Obito. You should probably turn off the camera since this is gonna get a little messy." he said and turned to look into the camera. "Don't worry Sasuke! I'm making Itachi pay for abandoning you instead of coming out and telling the truth but he was to much of a chicken shit. Worrying that the Konoha ANBU might kill him. But i'm making him pay by pranking him practically everyday. Obito too. I'll see you guys sometime soon. Ja Ne." and with that the recording stopped.

* * *

Hokages office 

The room was silent. Everyone were gaping and wide eyed, but no one with eyes wider than Sasuke, Kakashi and Tsunade.

"Itachi didn't kill them." Sasuke said.

"Obito isn't dead" Kakashi said.

"Naruto has the metal bloodline." Tsunade said and Jiraiya nodded.

As this was said they all turned to look at Tsunade.

"'sigh' There was once a clan in Takigakure no Sato (Hidden Village of Craftsmen) that could bend metal at their own will, coat themselves with metal and even form weapons out of said metal making them pretty much unstoppable killing machines." she said and everyone went wide eyed.

"But Tsunade-sama. If that's true how come there are nobody left?" Sakura asked.

"Because they suffered from a blood disease that killed them slowly but surely, dieing at the age of 30-50. But they managed to get kids before they died so the clan never died but somehow the disease got more potent and started killing at a younger age of 10-30. But someone must have gotten lucky and had a baby before dieing. And because of his advanced healing maybe the disease has been neutrilized." she said shocking everyone.

"But Tsunade-sama how come Naruto has such good healing?" TenTen asked.

"'sigh' What i tell you here does not leave this room, understood?" Tsunade asked and everyone nodded. "Okay tell me, how much do you know about the Kyuubi?" and then she started telling them about what resided in Narutos stomach.

After she was done explaining everyone except the adult were wide eyed.

'And i called him a demon whitout even tinking... Naruto i'm so sorry.' thought a teary eyed Sakura.

'I told him that he didn't know what i've been through. He's had it worse than me.' thought Sasuke.

'And i told him he didn't know what it was like having a seal that could not be removed. You really do defy fate with every little bit of your strength don't you Naruto?' thought Neji.

"YOSH! NARUTO-KUNS FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN BRIGHTLY IF HE CAN STAY SANE AFTER ALL THOSE HARDSHIPS!! I WILL RUN 500 LAPS AROUND KONOHA IN HIS HONOR!!" shouted Lee with fire burning in his eyes.

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT LEE!! I SHALL JOIN YOU IN YOUR HONORARY RUN!!" shouted Gai and they both ran out of the office.

"I'll never understand those two." said Jiraiya while scratching his head.

"So that's why our parents told us always told us to stay away from him." said Sakura thoughtfully as they were walking out of the Hokage tower.

"Not my mom. She said she honoured the 4ths wish." said Kiba "Or something like that." He said while scratching his head.

* * *

Next day; back in Wave 

"Do you think they got the video yet?" Obito asked lying under a tree reading the new 'Icha Icha Nurses' while Naruto was practicing his new zanbatou.

"They should have. I mean the courier ninjas can always estimate how long it will take for a package or letter to reach the reciever, and he said it would take 1 week and it's been 1 week and one day. So yeah i think they've gotten the video." Naruto said as he sat down and pulled out his own edition of 'Icha Icha Nurses'. "But i wish i could have seen Sasukes and Kakashi-senseis reaction when we showed and told themall that shit."

"Yeah... but you can't have everyting in life." Obito said in a philosophic voice.

"Nooope." said Naruto as he drifted off into sleep.

* * *

6 months later; gates of Konoha 

Three figures sporting black robes with red clouds were slowly making their way towards the gate at high noon.

"I never thought i'd say this but it feels good to be back." said Naruto as they approached the gate.

"Yeah... It's been 3 years for you but it's been 7 years for me" said Itachi in a superior tone.

"I got you both beat! It's been 16 years for me!" exclaimed an excited Obito as they reached the gates.

"Halt! State your names and purpose for coming here." said the guard known as Izumo.

"Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Obito and Uzumaki Naruto here on Akatsuki buisness." Naruto answered plainly ignoring the guards shocked expression.

Izumo then walked into the guards booth or whatever it is and picked up a phone and dialed a number.

"Tsunade here." came the answer.

"Yeah Hokage-sama It's Izumo at the gate... there are three members of the Akatsuki standing here waiting to be let in." Izumo said. After getting a "I'll be there as soon as possible." he hung up and walked out of the booth. "Hokage-sama will be here shortly." he said to the three Akatsuki members, obviously scared out of his wits. I mean right there standing before him were three good damned Akatsuki members for christs sake.

They merely nodded and looked on in amusement as the guard squirmed under their gazes. Suddenly Naruto had an idea and turned to Obito.

"Hey Obito! I think we just found ourselves a guinea pig for our new nutbuster prank." he said with an evil grin.

That was the last straw for Izumo and he promtly passed out with Naruto and Obito lying on the ground laughing their asses off. Even Itachi allowed himself a small chuckle.

Needless to say Tsunade was shocked to find Izumo and two Akatsuki members lying on the ground when she came with the entire Rookie 12 and Jiraiya as backup. One was foaming through the mouth and two were clutching their sides while laughing hysterically.

"Ahaha! That was a good one dude!" said Obito when he picked himself up off the ground still chuckling alittle.

"Yeah. It's amazing what alittle fear can do to people huh?" Naruto said him also picking himself up.

"Yes that was rather funny actually." Said Itachi with a small smile on his lips. Whenthis was said the pranksters both froze. They looked at eachother.

"Did he just say..?"

"I think he did..."

"But.. he's... Itachi... He's not supposed to say something like that." Naruto said loud enough for Itachi to hear. But to his, and all other presents, surprise Itachis smile only widened.

"It feels good to be able to smile again. I'm back in Konoha now after Orochimaru confessed, i got a shit load of money and i've got the new 'Icha Icha Onsen Desires'. What else could i possibly want?" he asked with his smile still pasted on his face.

"How about a girlfriend dude?" asked Naruto.

"I can't get a girlfriend because you'll just steal her from me!" said Itachi in an accusing tone of voice.

"Aww come on! Don't tell me your still mad about that bartender girl in Tanzaku City?!" asked Naruto in a disbelieving tone.

"...yes..."

"Awwww DUDE! That was two years ago and SHE was coming on to ME and being the gentleman i am i couldn't just reject her now could i?!"

While they were arguing Obito had walked up to Tsunade and gang "Yo! Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Obito and Uzumaki Naruto here on Akatsuki buisness!" he said and gave them a small wave.

"O-Obito? I-Is that you?" Kakashi asked in disbelief. Obito turned to Kakashi

"Yo long time no see! How's my eye?" he asked in a casual tone. Needless to say, Kakashi passed out on the spot.

"Is that..?" asked Sasuke, pointing at the still arguing Uchiha and Uzumaki.

"What? Oh. Yeah that's Itachi and Naruto... It seems Itachi haven't really forgiven Naruto yet." Obito said with amusement.

"For what?" asked Sakura while staring at the two who were now on the ground initiating a wrestling match.

"Two years ago Itachi was sitting in a bar in Tanzaku City flirting back and forth with the bartender, adn just when he was about to ask for her number Naruto walked in and she totally forgot about Itachi so it ended with her taking Naruto back to her place instead of Itachi. And Itachi has been pissed about that ever since." Obito explained "That plus the fact that Naruto hooked up with some nymphomaniac in a town about fiftyish miles away from here shortly after he left on his 'vacation' and he later hooked up with her in Wave again the night before we created our awesome 'Crotch Chomper'." he said with a smile and all the guys subconsiously covered their crotches with their hands. "Haha! I take it you guy watched the video. Now tell me. Which one of you is Haruno Sakura?" he asked politely.

"Umm that's me" Sakura said raising her hand.

"Aah. So tell me. How long did it take for you to figure out the riddle?"

"Umm three or four seconds..." Sakura said shyly. With that Obito looked really pissed off and Sakura got scared, thinking she did something wrong.

"Damnit! The fucker won again!" Obito said angrily as he reached for his wallet. "100, 200, 300, 400, 450 and 500 bucks gone to hell!"

"Won? What do you mean?" Sakura asked.

"I bet Naruto 500 bucks that you didn't get the riddle within five seconds... And.."

"And I won!" exclaimed Naruto happily and grabbed the money.

"Where's Itachi?" Obito asked looking around.

"I'm down here!" said a very pissed off Uchiha Itachi lying on the ground with a black eye and a very nasty bump on the head.

"You should know better than engaging Naruto in a Taijutsu battle Itachi.

"Yeah, yeah..." said Itachi while picking himself up. Naruto turned to Tsunade, Jiraiya and the Rookie 12.

"Well! I guess i should tell you why we're here!" Naruto said.

* * *

**Chapter 4 is now done! The longest chapter yet.**

**Now there are some who have suggested a Harem for Naruto but i don't know if i can write a harem.**

**He will sleep around though, before he and Kurenai confess their feelings for each other.**

**Maybe harem and then it's definatly gonna be Kurenai, Anko and Konan.**

**If you can think of anyone else feel free to tell me.**

**R&R LEADER-SAMA!!!!**

**Sooo... Yeeeeeah.**

**BYE! 'Disappears in a puff of smoke'**


	6. War, more pranking and Anko!

**Hmm... There was a review where i was asked to give Naruto the salamander summoning but i don't think that's possible because he has already signed with the toads. And Gamabunta is kickass!**

**And apearently i got Takigakure wrong. It's supposed to be Hidden Waterfall village... sorry about that!**

**As for the harem... Yes there will be a harem consisting of Kurenai, Anko, Konan, and Hana or Tsume.**

**Hana or Tsume... Your choice.**

**On with the story... HURRAY FOR NYMPHOS!!!

* * *

**Konoha; Hokages office

Tsunade was sitting behind her desk with the three Akatsuki members in front of her and the Rookie 12 and Jiraiya behind them.

"Now tell me. What is your buisness here?" Tsunade asked.

"We are here to offer an alliance." Naruto stated simply. "Kumo, Iwa and Kiri has made an alliance and are preparing for war and our Leader thinks that even with your alliance with Suna you won't be able to survive this."

"So why would Akatsuki want to make an alliance with us?" Jiraiya asked from behind them.

"Three reasons actually..." said Obito and started counting on his fingers. "One: It was a personal request from us three, Two: It would be good to have an ally as strong as Konoha. and Three: Nagato-sama and Konan don't want you to get hurt Jiraiya-sama." he said shocking Jiraiya speechless... well almost speechless.

"N-Nagato and Konan are in the Akatsuki?" he asked wide eyed.

"Yes but we don't call him Nagato anymore... We call him Pein-sama or Leader-sama." said Obito once again shocking Jiraiya.

"L-Leader?!"

"Yes Leader. And soon to be leader of Amegakure no Sato as soon as the civil war is over." said Itachi in his usual monotone voice.

"And are you guys gonna join with Ame or Konoha" asked Tsunade pointing at the three.

"Konoha" said Naruto.

"Konoha" said Obito.

"Konoha if i am allowed." said Itachi.

"Well that's really up to your brother seeing as he is the clan head since you left." said Tsunade and turned to Sasuke. "So what's it gonna be Sasuke? Can he come back to Konoha?"

Sasuke looked up and saw that the three Akatsuki members had turned to look at him with the dreaded jutsu: Puppy dog eyes no jutsu.

"'sigh' fine... you can stay." he said while looking away. "But i haven't really forgiven you yet!"

"Good! Now that that's settled i need to know what you want out of the alliance." said Tsunade getting the attention of the three.

"We want asylum for our members. We want our members to be able to walk through a village without having to keep looking over their shoulders. And we want your help, should we end up in a war." Naruto said simply.

"Okay. Now where do i sign for this alliance to be official?" Tsunade asked, happy that her little brother was coming back to the village.

"Leader-sama will come here with the documents when we tell him that you agreed." Naruto said and started making the seals for the projection jutsu ending in the ram seal and closed his eyes.

After seemingly just standing there for a few minutes he opened his eyes again.

"So? What did he say?" asked Obito with a raised eyebrow.

"He and Konan will be here in a week with the documents." Naruto said getting an affermative nod from Tsunade. "He told us to stay here and wait for him. And i couldn't be happier!" Tsunade, Jiraiya and the Rookie 12 smiled at this. "Now Konoha can experience our pranking first hand instead of just hearing about it on the street!" he said with an evil gleam in his eye. Which of course earned him a taste of Tsunades mean right hook sending him flying into the wall. 'Grrr vengence will be mine' He thought and got an idea. He stood up and acted kinda woozy from the hit and 'accidentally' bumped into the desk. "Well if that's all i guess we'll be going pranking now!" exclaimed Obito and wlked out of the Hokages office with everyone else following suit.

When they came out of the Hokage Tower Naruto reached into his robe and pulled out a bottle of sake and said "I wonder how she'll react when she finds out that i switched her precious sake with cat piss?" as everyone started laughing and just a few seconds after that they could hear the screams of a very pissed off Tsunade. "Hmm.. she took it better than i expected..." and just as he said that Tsunades desk went flying through the air knocking some poor bird out of the sky. "But i could be wrong. Now!" he exclaimed and turned to Obito "Pranking spree?" ha asked while giving him an evil grin.

"Pranking spree!" Obito said as he whipped up an equally evil grin.

"It's just too bad that we can't use the Crotch Chomper... since we'll probably be executed if we let it chomp off a leg or arm... or crotch..." said Naruto with a downcast look...

"But we can use the D-ranked bear trap!" said Obito with a maniacal laugh. "Let's go!" he said and The Legendary Pranksters went on a pranking spree Konoha would never forget.

They did alot of things to Konoha that day. Bear traps set up just outside the door of various shops, stink bombs in the Anbus locker rooms, a scorpion in Shizunes desk, switched the Inuzukas dog medicine with cat nip causing chaos and switched Tsunades sake yet again with cat piss. It was a horrible day for Konoha. But they did one thing that Konoha was really happy about: they burned Lees and Gais green spandex suits and shaved their eyebrows in their sleep (MOHAHAHA!!!).

That and they did the basic Crotch Chomper (Flat edges, doesn't bite the victims crotch off but hurts like a bitch!) on Jiraiya after he refused to give them a copy of the new 'Icha Icha Onsen Desires'. Everyone in Konoha could hear his girlish screams. After that he gave them each a copy.

The next day Naruto was sitting in training ground 7 reading his new book when team 7 showed up.

"Hey Naruto! What's up?" Kakashi asked not looking up from his book (Icha Icha Onsen Desires).

"Haha! The sky you moron!" Naruto said in an amused tone making Kakashi a little ticked off.

"So Naruto... how have you been?" Sakura asked.

"Good actually! I got money, respect and a nickname." he said "What more could i ask for?"

"Like you said to Itachi: How about a girlfriend?" said the cycloptic jounin while eyeing Naruto.

"No! No no no i don't wanna get tied down like that!" said Naruto. "I don't want a girlfriend. All i need is Gyokumon-chan!" he exclaimed. (Oh how wrong he is.)

"Who is Gyokumon?" Sasuke asked looking confused "I thought you said that you didn't want a girlfriend?"

"She's not his girlfriend! She's his 'friend with benefits'." said Obito walking into the training ground.

"Yeah." said Naruto while getting up.

"Where are you going?" asked Kakashi.

Naruto turned to look at him with a evil grin. "We're gonna go prank the council." he said with a laugh "Haha! Those old farts won't know what hit 'em!" he exclaimed as he pumped his fist into the air.

"Yeah! This is gonna rock!" yelled Obito as they both ran away from the training ground.

"Kakashi-sensei... don't they remind you of Gai-sensei and Lee-san?" asked Sakura while staring at the spot where the two Akatsuki members once were. 'Damnit! I didn't get to apologize!'

"Yeah, but they're not completely like them... otherwise they wouldn't have burnt Gais and Lees spandex and shaved their eyebrows. Thank god for that by the way." Kakashi said and the others nodded.

* * *

Council room; 2 hours later. 

Tsunade was standing infront of the council talking about the alliance.

"Uchiha Itachi, Uchiha Obito and Uzumaki Naruto of the Akatsuki came to the village today offering us an alliance, and i wanted to hear your opinion on it." she said and looked at everyone in the council.

"What alliance? They don't even have a village." said Hyuuga Hiashi.

"They are right now fighting in the civil war against Hanzo for Ame." said Tsunade and the council gasped.

"B-But not even you and the other sannin could defeat him!" said Elder Homura while in shock.

"Appearently the leader of the Akatsuki is able to stand his ground against him in a one-on-one fight." said Tsunade "And he is appearently not the strongest of them either" she said making the council gasp once again.

"Then who is the strongest?" asked the feral looking Inuzuka Tsume. At that Tsunade said a name that shocked the council to the core.

"Uzumaki Naruto." she said "And he, Obito and Itachi wants to join Konoha when the war is over."

"War? What war?" asked Danzo in all his one armed glory.

"According to the Akatsuki; Iwa, Kumo and Kiri has made an alliance with eachother, and even with our alliance with Suna we won't be able to win."

"And what does the Akatsuki want from all of this?" asked Nara Shikaku.

"Asylum for their members and help in any war they end up in." Tsunade said simply.

"That sounds reasonable... But what does the Kazekage say about it?" Shikaku said in a bored tone.

"Gaara is a close friend with Naruto and he's all for it."

"Have you already signed the treaty?"

"No. The leader, Pein, is coming here in about a week with the papers."

"Well let's vote then. All for the alliance say 'Aye'." said Hiashi.

"Aye." said almost everyone in unison.

"All against say 'Ney'."

"Ney!" said Danzo.

"It seems the alliance will be formed. Now if there is nothing else, i declare this meeting over." Tsunade said and walked out of the room.

Just as the door was about to close, four small purple balls rolled in.

"What are those?" Yamanaka Inoichi said and got into a defensive stance.

"I don't know, but the are filled with chakra." said Hiashi with his Byakkugan activated.

Just as he said that the balls exploded into smoke and splatted some kind of smelly, orange paint all over the council members.

As the smoke dissipated they saw a writing on the wall:

_You have been served by The_ _Legendary_ _Pranksters! Have a nice and smelly day!_

Outside the Hokages tower Naruto and Obito were laughing their asses off.

"AHAHA! I never thought i could enjoy a simple E-ranked prank this much!" said Obito hardly being able to breath because of all the laughter.

"You can. I used to do it all the time." said Naruto as they walked towrads Ichiraku ramen.

* * *

Ichiraku Ramen 

"Yo! Give me three large bowls of miso ramen! And step on it!" Naruto yelled when they walked into the ramen shop.

"Oh Naruto! Your back?! Ayame! Look who's here!" Ichiraku Teuchi yelled when he saw who walked in.

"What is it dad?" Ayame asked and blushed when she spotted our favorite blond. "N-Naruto-kun?" she asked "Is that you?"

"In the flesh!" he exclaimed and pointed at Obito "And this is my friend and partner Uchiha Obito."

"Nice to meet you both. Naruto has told me about you." Obito said and gave a small bow.

"Sorry Naruto but you need to leave." Teuchi said looking cautiously at Naruto.

"What? Why?!" yelled Naruto.

"I don't want to get pranked by you two! I've heard about the pranks you two have come up with and i don't want to suffer from those pranks!" Teuchi yelled.

"I wouldn't even dream of pranking you two! After all the times you have treated me to ramen when i was hungry and broke i couldn't even bring myself to pull a harmless E-rank on you." Naruto said while getting down on his knees. "Please! I have eaten ramen from all over the world and nobody makes ramen as good as you! PLEASE!!! Let me once more taste the heavenly taste of your ramen!" he begged.

"Dad. You know he would never prank us. Just let him eat." Ayame said with her hands on her hips.

"'sigh' Alright, you can eat." sighed Teuchi.

"YES! Three large bowls of miso ramen please!" Naruto exclaimed while taking a seat with Obito.

"Okay, and you?" Ayame asked looking at Obito.

"A large miso please." he said and turned to Naruto "Is this really the best ramen shop in the world?" he asked looking around as if looking for a diploma or something.

"Yup! I've been coming here since i was five and this is BY FAR the best ramen shop in the world." he said as Ayame came out with the ramen.

"Here you go. Have a nice meal." she said and walked into the back of the ramen shop.

"Oh i will!" Naruto said, more to himself than anyone else.

* * *

The next day; the Kishimoto dango shop (Couldn't think of a better name.) 

"Why do we have to eat this? I want ramen." Naruto said looking at his plate of dango.

"We had ramen yesterday dude. We can't eat it every day. Trust me, you'll like this. It's just as good as ramen." and with that said Narutos eyes widened at the thought of something else that was as good as ramen. He picked up a skewer of dango.

"Is that so?" he asked sniffing the dumpling before plucking one with his mouth and giving it a taste.

"Wow! This IS good." he said with stars in his eyes. "I just found my new favorite food! Tell me why you have commited the vicious crime of not introducing it to me before?!" he eylled pointing an accusing finger at Obito who just shrugged.

"Meh... I didn't feel the need to bother showing it to you." he said casually. Then he spotted something. "Woah. An extremely hot vixen just stepped in through the doors." he said and pointed at a purple haired woman who had just walked up to the counter.

"What? Where?" asked Naruto and turned around. "Woah...it's that Anko woman from the chuunin exams." he said not beeing able to look away from her body.

Hearing her name being said she turned around and noticed a blonde haired guy with a black robe with red clouds on it, staring at her. 'Woah! Hot guy! Staring at me! FUN TIME!!' were her thoughts until she noticed the whiskers. 'Wait a minute! Whiskers? Is that the Uzumaki kid from the chuunin exams? My, my he has grown. I wonder if he has grown elsewhere to...' she thought with a perverted grin.

"Dude... i think i'm gonna go talk to her. I'll see you back at the hotel." Naruto said as he got up from his chair.

"Fucking horn dog." Obito said while shaking his head. But he thought something much different. 'Lucky bastard!'. And with that he got up and walked back to the hotel but then he stopped 'Maybe i should go and try to recruit Sasuke to our pranking team.' he thought and started walking towards the Uchiha compound.

Meanwhile Naruto had made his way to Anko.

"Hey. Aren't you that crazy woman who licked the blood off my cheek in the chuunin exams 3 years ago?" he asked with his head tilted to the side.

"Yeah that's me! Glad you remembered." she said "But you sure have grown since i saw you last. Where else might you have grown?" she asked with a predatory grin trying to intimidate him. But to her surprise he leaned over and whispered in her ear: "Would you like me to tell you or do you want to see it for yourself?" he asked and pulled back.

"My, my. Don't you work fast?" she asked and once again got an unexpected answer.

"Only on the flirting stage. After that i want to take it nice and slow."

"Well then. How about we skip the flirting part and head straight to my place?" Anko asked with a seductive smile and Naruto grinned.

"Ladies first." he said and moved to the side so she could get past him... They ended up in some alley about fifty feet away from the dango shop. It was the best day in Ankos life. When Naruto said nice and slow he didn't mean he fucked slowly. No no no. He did it hot and fast. But he could do it for about nine hours (Hence why Gyokumon likes him so much. That and the size of his... tool). They stopped by three more alleys before they got to Ankos house. Like i said: Best day in Ankos life.

* * *

**Well there you have it! Chapter 5!**

**Next chapter there will be a catfight between Kurenai and Anko.**

**Tell me if you want to have Hana or Tsume in the harem. Note that i won't write the next chapter until one has ten votes. Sorry but that's the way it's going to have to be.**

**That's all i had to say i think...**

**R&R!!!**

**Until next time! This is ZnK signing out.**


	7. A dog and a new prank

**Hey! ZnK is back!**

**I have kinda been kicked out of school because of some issues i had with my math teacher... i might have broken his nose for accusing me of cheating in a test... so other than going to court for assault i'm just gonna keep writing!**

**Hurray for me!**

**Both got ten or more votes so i'm gonna go with my own opinion. hmm... who's it gonna be Tsume or Hana?**

**I've decided that Tsume is going to be added into the harem. Kiba is going to be so pissed.**

**Konan is out of the harem and Gyokumon might be in. Sorry guys but i feel Konan would get along better with Pein.**

**Gyokumon or Hana... decisions, decisions...**

**On with the story.

* * *

**Konoha

Naruto was right now thinking that it might have been a mistake to sleep with Anko. Everywhere he looked he could see women giving him hungry looks. Appearently Anko was a gossiper. It didn't help that Obito was commenting on it every five seconds.

"Dude! Seriously! What did you do to that Anko woman? It looks like she told them you were a sex god or something." he said as he, Naruto and Itachi were walking towards the gate to meet Pein and Konan. She wanted to meet Jiraiya too.

"I don't know! I only did what i always do." Naruto said while rubbing his temples. It didn't exactly help fighting off the looks when he had his Akatsuki robe open today (The Akatsuki robes can open like trench coats).

When they arrived to the gates they saw Izumo standing guard. Needless to say, he fainted again when he saw them.

"He's still scared of us dude." said Obito in an amused tone.

They waited for another hour having fun drawing stuff on Izumos face while he was passed out. They also attached a flat edged Crotch Chomper to his crotch and waited for him to wake up. Unfortunatly Pein and Konan arrived before he did.

"Welcome Leader-sama!" Naruto exclaimed and bowed to Pein and then turned to Konan and nodded "and Konan." he said. Konan just nodded back.

"We are supposed to escort you to the Hokages tower." Itachi said with his usual monotone voice. "Hokage-sama and Jiraiya-sama is waiting for you there." he said and started walking towrds the Hokage tower with Pein, Konan, Obito and Naruto following closely.

When they arrived walked into Tsunades office they were greeted by a slackjawed Jiraiya and a smiling Hokage.

"So! I take it from Jiraiyas reaction that the two of you are Pein and Konan." Tsunade said looking at the two newcomers.

"That is correct." Pein said and turned to Jiraiya. "Long time no see, uh what did you call him Naruto?" he said and looked at Naruto.

"Ero-sennin!" Naruto exclaimed with a grin.

"Ah yes. Long time no see Ero-sennin." Pein said while looking at a now severly pissed off Jiraiya.

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME THAT YOU LITTLE BRAT?!" he yelled at Naruto who was now lieing on the floor while clutching his side laughing his ass off (He seems to do that alot doesn't he?). Suddenly Naruto shot up from the floor while snapping his fingers.

"Oh yeah! I forgot about the guard." he said and took out his trusty remote. "To bad we couldn't play a game with him... oh well!" he exclaimed and pressed the button. At that moment you could hear the pained screams of Izumo getting a really rude awakening.

"That's evil dude. Triggering it before he even woke up... Why haven't we thought about that before?!" Obito asked smacking his forehead. "Stupid us."

"Well anyway. I have the papers for the alliance." Pein said and pulled out a scroll from his robes. "Here." he said and gave Tsunade the scroll which she read through before nodding.

"Everything seems to be in order." she said and signed the scroll. "The alliance between Konoha and Akatsuki is now official." she said and shook hands with Pein.

"Good." he said and turned to Jiraiya and Konan. "Now how about we go out for a drink and catch up a little?" he said. After getting a nod from both he started walking out of the office but before he walked out he turned around and looked at Naruto. "But in three days we have to get back to Ame so you can kick Hanzos ass and humiliate him with your S-ranked Crotch Chomper before killing him. We have already broken through his defences and are waiting for you." he said and walked out of the office, after getting a nod, with Konan and Jiraiya following suit.

"So this is it huh? The last battle before becoming official Konoha ninjas again." Naruto said with a sigh.

"Yeah. Feels kinda strange doesn't it?" said Obito getting a nod from the other two.

When Naruto walked out of the Hokage tower he was tackled to to ground by Anko.

"Ohayo Naru-kun!" she said in a playful voice. "Wanna come eat some dango with me?"

"As much as i'd love to Anko-chan, i can't. i gotta talk to Leader-sama about something and i need to find him." he lied in a apologetic tone. "How about i make it up to you by buying you dinner in a couple of days?"

"Alright... i'll hold you to that." Anko said getting up. "And you better pull through or i'll kill you." she said in a singsong voice making Naruto gulp (Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... remember that). Naruto just nodded and also got up and walked away. Fast.

As he left Kurenai walked up to Anko after seeing, and hearing, what happened.

"Anko, what are you doing?" she asked in a angry voice. Anko just shrugged and said:

"Just having some fun. Why?" she asked turning to look at the red eyed jounin.

"You know how i feel about him! I don't want to hear on the streets about my best friend fucking the man i love!" Kurenai said angrily.

"The man you love? He's been in the village for a whole week and you haven't done anything. Doesn't sound like love to me." she said in a smug voice.

"Anko seriously! I can't just walk up to him and say 'Hey Naruto guess what! I'm in love with you!'. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Well you're gonna have to do something. Otherwise i'm taking him." Anko said and walked away.

'Shit!' Kurenai thought and also walked away. Little did she know, Itachi was standing in the shadows eavesdropping on their converation.

'Interesting. Very interesting.' he thought and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

Meanwhile somewhere in Konoha 

Inuzuka Tsume was walking around looking for Kiba when she saw Naruto walking around aimlessly, deep in thought.

'Isn't that Naruto-kun?' she wondered as she walked up to him. She's had a crush on him ever since he saved her from a gang of missing-nin that were about of rape her while on a mission five months earlier. He used the S-rank Crotch Chomper on them all with out even playing 'The Game' with them. They died slowly.

"Hey." she said making him turned around "Wanna go grab a coffee with me?" she asked blushing alittle. 'No! Bad Tsume! You're a grown woman! Don't blush like a little schoolgirl!' she thought.

"Aren't you Kibas sister?" Naruto asked eyeing her closely.

"What? No! I'm his mother." she said.

"No way! You gotta be his sister! You don't look old enough to be his mother!" Naruto exclaimed making Tsume blush like mad.

"No i assure you. I am his mother." she said trying to stop blushing. "So do you wanna grab a coffee with me or not?" she asked making Naruto nod.

"Sure! It's not like i have anything else to do." he said flashing his foxy grin making Tsume, like pretty much every other woman he shows it to, weak in the knees.

"Great! Let's go, i know a great café just down the street!" she said and grabbed his arm and started pulling him towards the café.

* * *

Café 

Naruto and Tsume were sitting and talking about various things. He told her about the Orioke no jutsu and she laughed and then he told her how he knocked out the Sandaime with it and they both laughed. And then on thing led to another and it ended up with them making out in an alley. And one thing led to another after that and they ended up in bed in the Inuzuka compound Where they spent thirteen hours having hot animalistic sex (I'm sorry to say this but i really suck at making lemon scenes so there will be no lemon scenes in this fic).

* * *

The next day; Inuzuka Compound 

Naruto and Tsume woke up to a loud banging on the door.

"Mom! Are you awake?!" came the voice of Kiba as he opened the door "Nee-chan says that..." he said and looked up to find Naruto lieing with his arms around wrapped around Tsume. Needless to say (I seem to say that alot..), Kiba screamed and passed out on the spot. When she heard his screams his sister Hana came to see what he was screaming about and walked into the room.

"Kiba what's wro..." she started but didn't get any further as she too passed out from the shock.

"Hmm... what do we do about this?" Naruto asked.

"Let's just leave them alone and let's go get some breakfast." said Tsume as they got up and dressed and went to the kitchen to eat.

One hour later Naruto had kissed Tsume goodbye and was on his way back to the hotel when he spotted team 10, team 7, team 8 (Except Kiba) and team Gai standing outside the Ichiraku Ramen shop.

"Hey guys!" he asked walking up to them.

"Hey Naruto." said Kakashi in a lazy tone. "What're you doing up this early?"

"Oh nothing. Just heading back to the hotel." he said and smiled. The smile dropped however when he felt a huge amount of killer intent directed at him. When he turned around he saw Kiba and Akamaru charging him.

"Oh shit." he said and turned to the others. "I gotta go." he said and ran for it.

"Come back here you bastard!" Kiba yelled and stopped when the the others blocked his way.

"What's wrong Kiba?" asked Kurenai.

"I just found that asshole in bed with my mom!" Kiba yelled making everyone gasp.

"You what?" Kakashi asked in a amazed voice.

"You heard me! He fucked my mom!" Kiba yelled.

'That lucky bastard!' were the thoughts of Asuma, Gai and Kakashi.

"Oooh when i get my hands on him i'm gonna snap his neck!" yelled Kiba when he realized Naruto was long gone.

'Damnit! How am i supposed to tell him now?' were the thoughts of a disappointed Kurenai.

* * *

The hotel

When Naruto walked into his suite Itachi quickly appeared infront of him scaring him shitless.

"Christ! Will you stop doing that?!" Naruto yelled gripping his chest "You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack."

"I got news for you." Itachi said, not bothering to apologise.

"What kind of news?" Naruto asked sitting down on the couch trying to calm his raging heart down.

"It's about Kurenai-san." Itachi said also sitting down "I heard her and Anko-san talking and Kurenai-san said; and i quote: 'I can't just walk up to him and say 'Hey Naruto guess what! I'm in love with you!'. What if he doesn't feel the same way?'." He said looking indifferent as usual while Naruto was gaping. Her he was hearing that the woman he had a crush on when he was ten was in love with him.

"Oh that's just great! Couldn't you have said that before i had sex with Kibas mom?" he said and his eyes widened. "Oh SHIT! Kiba has probably told her by now!" he said as he buried his face into his hands. "What the fuck am i supposed to do?"

"Why do you care about it so much?" Itachi asked while looking curiously at Naruto.

"Because! It's Kurenai! The woman i had a huge crush on from when i was eight to eleven years old is in love with me." Naruto said in a depressed voice. "Why couldn't she tell me before i hooked up with Tsume?"

"You know. There is a way for you to be with both Tsume and Kurenai." Itachi said and Narutos head shot up. "Huh? How?" he asked frantically.

"Well... seeing as you are the last of your clan. The clan resurrection law states that you must have a harem of 4 wives minimum." Itachi explained simply. "But that law won't work until you're an official Konoha ninja."

"DUDE!! THAT'S AWESOME!!" Naruto yelled and jumped off the couch and started pumping his fists into the air. "Polygami!" he chanted over and over again and Itachi sweatdropped and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

"What's up with you?" said Obito as he walked into the room with Sasuke.

"I'm gonna marry multiple women!" Naruto shouted while countinuing to chant "Polygami!"

"Awesome!" exclaimed Obito "Hey i thought of a great new prank A-ranked prank!" with that said Naruto stopped what he was doing and turned around.

"Ooooh? And what might that be?" he asked excitedly.

"It's basicaly the paint and stink bomb but with drywall nails thrown into the mix." Obito said with a wicked smile.

"Have you got a prototype?"

"Yup!" exclaimed Obito and held out a red fist sized ball. "This baby is packed with goodies. Paint, vomit, crap and drywall nails." he said.

"Then why don't we go test it out?" asked Naruto and they both ran out Konoha in search of some worthless missing-nin. They found one. The results were not pretty. The D-ranked missing-nin was running around in a clearing in the forest screaming in agony as his body was covered in orange paint, crap, vomit and drywall nails. the killed him shortly after to end his misery. Poor bastard.

* * *

**Well... that's all for now. I gotta go to court and i wanna release this as soon as possible.**

**Next chapter Naruto fights Hanzo and confronts Kurenai.**

**vote if you want Hana or Gyokumon in the harem.**

**Well i gotta go!**

**R&R**

**ZnK signing out**


	8. Hanzo, Family and Kurenai

**Damn it!! I have to pay that fucker 1000 bucks! How the hell am i supposed to get 1000 bucks?! I have lost all faith in this world...**

**Hana is in the harem (Poor, poor Kiba.)**

**As for why i took Konan out of the harem... well... you'll see.**

**One more thing. Naruto has Zabuzas Kubikiri (Is that what its called?). He just has it sealed in a scroll right now.**

**On with the story!

* * *

**Konoha; Gates.

Naruto, Konan and Pein were making their way towards Ame with Itachi, Obito, Tsunade, Jiraiya and Team 7 waving them off.

"Have a safe trip!" yelled Tsunade "And if i find out that you died, i'm going to bring you back to life and kill you myself!" making the three sweatdrop.

'Why would you bring someone back to life just to kill them?' they all thought as they continued walking.

"Yeah and use the Slow-mo Crotch Chomper on the salamander freak! And bring back the summoning contract!" Obito yelled making Naruto turn around.

"Why do you need that?!" he yelled.

"Two reasons really! One: I want to be able to summon salamanders! And Two: I want the Uchiha clan to have a clan summon! So can you do that for me?" Obito yelled and the two Uchiha brothers went wide eyed.

"Alright! I'll see what i can do!" came the answer.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Tobi and pulled out a Basic Crotch Chomper from his robe. "Now it's time to go play 'The Game' with someone. Hehehe." he said in a low and scary voice. Making the guys on the scene cringe alittle as all of them had at least once been strapped to a chair with Naruto or Obito or both playing 'The Game' with them. Oh the painful memories.

* * *

Ame; 1 week later 

"Well, here we are." said Pein as he stood observing the very strangely shaped buildings of Ame.

"So where is the salamander freak?" said an excited Naruto "I want to use my Crotch Chomper on him!"

"He's in the west side of the village" Pein said and pointed at the tallest, and wierdest, building in the west side.

"So let's go then!" Naruto exclaimed and started running towards the building.

"Naruto wait! He has-" at this they started hearing alot of explosions and the sound of metal clashing. "...guards..." he finished while sweatdropping.

* * *

Naruto was not happy right now... here he had already taken down thirty three of Hanzos personal bodyguards and when he thought that there were no more, fifty more came running towards him. 

"Oh to hell with this!" he muttered and took out the drywall nail bomb out of his robe. "EAT THIS FUCKERS!!" he shouted and threw the bomb so it landed three yards infront of the guards. Of course Naruto being the smarter of everyone there, ducked down and hid behind a corpse.

Two seconds later you could find Naruto on the ground laughing while the fifty bodyguards were running around screaming in agony. Some even went so far as to kill themselves to end the pain... and the smell. Disgusting smell... yuck!

Five seconds after that Naruto got up and slit the throat of every guard there. Nasty. Yes...

Now one could find him running around in Hanzos maze-like castle-like house.

"Where is that salamander faggot?!" he yelled angrily to himself.

"I'm right here!" said a voice from behind him. "You've run past me fifteen times now!" the voice of Hanzo said and Naruto turned around and saw a guy... a BIG guy with some kind of helmet/mask on... and a cape... black cape.

"Oh! You're Hanzo?" Naruto asked. After getting a nod he added "When i ran past you i didn't think you were alive."

"And why is that?" Hanzo asked with a curious look on his face... at least on the little bit of his face that you could see...

"Well you're uglier than any other man i've ever seen and you stood stock still like some kind of statue... And you're to big to be human." said Naruto ignoring the glare sent his way at the "ugly" comment.

"You're brave to come here and insult me like that young one. But you should know that i have beaten all three of the legendary sannin." Hanzo said and rushed Naruto "No one is stronger than me!"

Naruto was surprised by this... this GIANTS speed, thus resulting in him beeing rewarded for his standing still with an elbow to his nose, sending him flying into a wall.

"See? you're not strong enough to beat me yet." Hanzo said cockily to the hole in the wall and turned to walk away. There behind him he saw Pein and Konan standing there watching him. "Ah Pein-san! Have you come here for a rematch?" Hanzo said in a friendly tone.

"I'm afraid i can't Hanzo-san." Pein said with a smile.

"Oh? And why is that?" Hanzo asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because he's not done with you yet." Pein smiled and pointed behind Hanzo.

As Hanzo turned around he was met with a metal coated right hook to his jaw. 'What the hell!?' were his thoughts as he went sailing through the air.

He was kicked in the gut before he even hit the ground. 'He's fast!' he thought as he faceplanted the ground. 'Maybe i should have ran when i had the chance?' he thought and stood up.

Naruto just stood there with a huge grin on his face.

"What's so funny you little brat?!" Hanzo yelled. Naruto just stood there with his grin and pointed to the ground. Hanzo made a big mistake when he looked down because there was... nothing. But he left himself open for a knee in the face, and then a kick in the ribs and a uppercut to the jaw.

"Uh! Enough of this!" he yelled and started performing a set of seals. "Fuuton: Kamaitachi!(1)" he shouted and released a huge slicing wind as Naruto performed his own set of seals.

"Katon: Kuro Kitsune Endan!(2) (I created that XD)" he yelled and blew a huge black, burning fox that was powered up by the wind attack and went straight for Hanzo.

"OH SHIT!" he exclaimed and dodged to the right and performed another set of seals. When he saw this Narutos eyes widened and he performed the same set of seals. 'Boar, Dog, Bird, Monkey, Sheep!'.

When they were done they both called out "Kuchiyose no jutsu!(3)" and slammed their palms into the ground. There were two puffs of smoke and there stood a 40 ft tall red and blue salamander and a 40 ft tall green and orange toad with two katanas strapped to his back.

"Ah Naruto-kun! What can i do for you?" the toad asked in a playful tone.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to play 'Let's beat the crap out of that salamander' with me Gamagunsha(4)-san.(He's an OC... or OT (Original Toad) HAHAHA!!!)" Naruto said in an equally playful tone and Gamagunsha smiled and unsheathed one of his katanas.

"I would love to Naruto-kun! I haven't been able to battle a salamander for a while. I believe the last time was about 250 years ago when your greatgreatgreat grandfather fought another salamander user." he said (Gamagunsha is 328 years old, Gamabunta is 753 years old and Gamakichi is 56 years old.).

"Wait! You know who my father, grandfather, great grandfather and so on is?!" Naruto asked with a shocked look to which the toad nodded.

"Of course. We are your family summon after all." he said and shrugged.

"We will have to talk about this later." Naruto said "But for now, let's kick some ass!" he exclaimed and pumped his fist into the air.

"Hai!" Gamagunsha said and charged the salamander who jumped to the side when a katana came down threatening to cut him in half.

"Hanzo! With all due respect, you know what i think of fighting those crazy ass toads!" the salamander said while dodging another swipe.

"I didn't know that brat could summon!" Hanzo yelled to the salamander. "Let alone summon toads!"

"I'll let it slip for this time then." the salamander said "But not even the boss likes to fight those crazy toads. So don't summon us to fight them anymore or i'll get our contract nullified!" yelled the salamander as he dodged to the side yet again. "AH! Get away from me you crazy fuck!"

"Tsh! Almost got him there!" Gunsha said with a maniacal grin.

"They seem afraid of us Gunsha-san!" Naruto said from where he stood.

While all that shit was going down, Pein and Konan sat on the sidelines with a videocamera and popcorn.

"This is some battle! Look at how scared that lizard is! If he had pants he would be pissing in them right now!" Pein said in amusement.

"Yeah..." Konan said and took the videocamera from Pein and put it on the ground directed at the battle.

"What did you do that for?"

"For this." Konan said and leaned over to whisper something in Peins ear. "I'm pregnant." Poor Pein passed out on the spot.

* * *

Meanwhile in Konoha 

Ino stopped walking towards the BBQ joint where her team usually met after missons and started sniffing around in the air.

'Why do i smell gossip?' she thought and shrugged. 'Meh. It's probably nothing.' and with that she started walking again.

* * *

Back in Ame 

The salamander was not feeling good at this moment. He had multiple cuts on various places of his body.

"Oh fuck this! Your on your own Hanzo!" he yelled and puffed away from the battle ground.

"Wait, wha-" was all Hanzo could say before he went plummeting towards the ground. 'Oh shit!' was all he could think before he smacked into the ground head first.

"Aw! I wanted to fight some more!" whined Gunsha as he resheathed his katana.

"Sorry Gunsha-san. But it seems we're done here." Naruto said in a apologizing tone.

"Yeah... well! Summon me anytime you want Naruto-kun. I'm always ithcing for a fight." Gunsha said and waved.

"I will." said Naruto and bowed. "Ja Ne."

"Ja Ne." and with that the toad puffed out of existence.

"Well. I better tie this fucker up." Naruto said when he hit the ground. Feet first (Unlike some other sorry saps. coughHanzocough).

* * *

1 hour and a whole lot of sake later 

Pein was sitting in Hanzos conference room with a bottle of sake in his hand and repeatedly mumbled something that sounded like "I'm gonna be a father... I'm gonna be a fucking father." between sips.

"What's this about?" said Naruto as he watched in amusement and turned to Konan. "You finally told him?"

"Yeah... He took it better than i thought he would though." she said while shaking her head. "But i do want him to say something to me."

Five seconds later Hanzo woke up with a major headache and a Crotch Chomper attached to him.

"Ah! You're awake. Good. I wanna ask you a question." Naruto said with a smile.

"I won't tell you anything!" Hanzo said.

"Oh come on. I just wanna know where you keep the salamanders summoning contract." Naruto said with the smile still on.

"Is that the only reason you came here?!" asked Hanzo with disbelief evident in his voice.

"Umm... pretty much. Yeah." lied Naruto.

"And if i don't tell you?" Hanzo asked.

"Then i'll push this button and then you can wave bye bye to the possibility of you ever having children." Naruto said and held out that not-so-friendly remote.

"Umm... I keep it in my safe in the basement in the north section of this building!" said Hanzo who was sweating at the moment.

Naruto created a shadow clone and gave it a mental command to go get the contract. After that he walked up to Pein and gave him a hard slap in the face and grabbed his collar.

"Snap out of it! Yes you're gonna be a father! Yes it's gonna be hard! But don't make it a bad thing! You're gonna have a baby!" he said in a commanding tone snapping Pein out of his trance like state.

"I'm gonna... I'm gonna have a baby?" he asked still in shock.

"Yes. A little mini-Pein running around. Hahaha! When are you gonna give him his first piercing?" Naruto asked in an amused voice.

"Ha...ha...ha... very funny... wise ass." Pein said in mock amusement (Remember that Peinn has piercings like... EVERYWHERE!).

"So! Are we gonna do this now?" said Naruto as he stood behind a camera that Hanzo used when he adressed the people and threw the remote to Pein.

"Yeah. Let's do it." said Pein and stood infront the camera and Naruto got ready.

"And we're live in three... two... one... now." Naruto said and started recording and at that moment every TV and screen (You know those big screen they usually have in town squares and shit. you should know what i mean.) in Ame showed what was going on in Hanzos conference room.

"My fellow ame-nins. I am Pein. Look at what your so called 'undefeatable' leader has been reduced to." Pein said and moved away from the camera so everyone could see Hanzo tied to a chair. Pein pointed at Hanzos crotch. "This is a Crotch Chomper that my companion Naruto has created. And when i press this button, your leader is going to be in a world of pain." he said with a small smile on his face. "So you see? Akatsuki is the strongest! We... are... godlike!" and with that he pressed the button and the Crotch Chomper started closing. "Hey Naruto! Turn off the camera. The children shouldn't have to watch this."

"Awww Party-pooper." Naruto said and turned off the camera. "There, we're off. Did you have to sound that power hungry?" he asked while scratching his head.

"Power hungry? I didn't sound power hungry." Pein said.

"Oh yeah? Then how about that whole 'We... are... godlike!' thing?" asked Naruto. Pein just flipped him the bird. When the shadow clone came back with the summoning scroll Naruto took it and sealed it in a smaller scroll.

"Well if that's all you need i'll be going back to Konoha now." said Naruto as he started to walk away. "And tell me when the baby is born!" he yelled from the door. "Good luck to you both!"

"Will do and thank you!" Konan yelled back.

"Soo..." Pein said as he scratched his head nervously. "What do we do now?"

"Now we go to the library and read about child birth and child care." Konan said and gestured for Pein to follow.

'Oh shit! Come on Pein! Think of an excuse!' Pein thought in horror. "Ah, yeah, well, you see, i gotta take care of something in-" he started but never got any further as Konan walked up to him, grabbed the back of his collar and started pulling him with her. "No excuses! You're coming with me and that's final."

'Damn woman!' thought Pein and cried silently.

* * *

One hour later outside of Ame 

Naruto was walking towards Konoha when he remembered something and performed a set of seals.

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!" there was a puff of smoke and there stood Gamagunsha tall and proud.

"Where's the fight?!" he yelled and started to unsheath his swords.

"There is no fight Gunsha-san." Naruto said making Gunsha resheath his swords with a disappointed "Oh..." "But i would like some answers." Naruto said.

"Oh? Then i'll answer to the best of my abilities." Gunsha said making Naruto nod.

"Good. Now you said you knew my family." at this Gunsha nodded. "Okay. Who were my parents?"

"I don't know who you mother was." Gunsha said making Naruto drop his head in disappointment "But i do know who your father was." at this Narutos head shot up.

"Really? Who was he?" he asked excitedly.

"That's easy. He was Namikaze Minato. But you know him as Yondaime Hokage."

Naruto just stood there stock still. Yondaime was his dad. Why didn't anyone tell him?

"Does Tsunade-obaa-chan or Ero-sennin know about that?" he asked resulting in a nod from the toad.

"Yup. They were there when you were born after all."

"And who were his parents?"

"That's also easy. It was Jiraiya and Tsunade." At this point Naruto was growing very pissed off.

"WHAT?! Why didn't they tell me?!" he yelled.

"I don't know... Maybe they don't know. Tsunade did put Minato in an orphanage. Maybe they don't even know that Minato were their son." Gunsha said and shrugged.

"But you said that your our family summon."

"Yeah. And Jiraiya doesn't know this but we are bound to the Kazamas by blood. If someone else other than a Kazama tries to sign the contract, the blood wouldn't stick to it."

"Kazama?" Naruto asked while scratching his head. "Didn't you just say Namikaze?"

"Yes but Namikaze is a name Minato took since he was an 'orphan'. Kazama is his real clan name."

"And why didn't you or any other toad tell him or Jiraiya about that?"

"Meh" said Gunsha and shrugged "They never asked." making Naruto sweatdrop.

"Whatever... Can you give me a ride to Konoha?" Naruto asked while utilizing the dreaded Puppy Dog eyes no jutsu.

"'sigh' Fine" Gunsha said and started hopping towards Konoha.

* * *

3 hours later; Konoha gates 

Izumo once again got the shit scared out of him when a 40 ft tall toad landed infront of him. And he got even more scared when Uzumaki Naruto hopped off the toad.

"Thanks for the lift Gunsha-san!" he yelled to the giant toad.

"No problem Naruto-kun." the toad said and gave a small nod before he puffed out of existance.

"Ohayo Izumo-san!" Naruto greeted and waved with a maniacal grin as he walked through the gates. Poor, poor Izumo passed out once again.

* * *

5 minutes later; Hokages office. 

"Ohayo Baa-chan!" shouted Naruto as he walked into Tsunades office where she was talking to Jiraiya.

"Oh Naruto. How did it go?" asked Tsunade. "Did you manage to do what we couldn't?"

"Yup! And i learned something to. Something that involves you two." he said in a serious tone making Tsunade and Jiraiya raise an eyebrow.

"Really? And what is that?" Jiraiya asked.

"Gamagunsha told me when i summoned him that he knew who my dad was." Naruto said causing the two sannins to go wide eyed. "And who his parents were." he said making the twos eyes to nearly fall out of the sockets.

"And who were they?" Jiraiya asked curiously.

"I'll tell you even though you know that my father was the Yondaime." at this Tsunade and Jiraiya started sweating. "But first let me ask you a question that will probably give you your answer Ero-sennin."

"Okay... what is it?"

"Did you know that the toads are a blood bound family summon?" he asked making them both go wide eyed again.

"W-Wait... th-then th-tha-at m-means th-that... M-Minato... was..." Jiraiya stuttered.

"Yes he was your son who you left at the orphanage when he was just born." said Naruto in a cold tone. "Who you just abandoned."

"Then that means that you..." Tsunade started and pointed at Naruto.

"Yes. I'm your grandson. And that also means..." he started making Tsunade and Jiraiya lean forward. "That i now have the right to call you my Obaa-chan!" he exclaimed earning him a fist to the nose. "Now the question is: what are you two going to do to make up for your absence in my life all those years?" asked Naruto as he picked himself up from the floor at which Tsunade got into a thinking pose.

"I don't know. There is probably nothing we can do to make it up to you." she said sadly.

"You can get me a house. 'Cause i don't want to live in a hotel for the rest of my life." Naruto said simply making the sannins' jaws drop.

"That's it? That's all you want?" Tsunade asked.

"Pretty much. Yep!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Done!" Tsunade said and rushed to the Yondaimes picture on the wall and swiped some blood across it, and the picture disappeared to reveal a safe which she opened and took out a set of keys. "Here are the keys to Minatos house. The house was to be given to you when you found out about him. Which was not supposed to happen until you were 16." she said and handed him the keys and a piece of paper. "The adress is on the paper."

"Hey wait a minute! 149 Teal Drive! Isn't that the rich section of Konoha?"

"Yup!" Tsunade said with a smile.

"Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed and pocketed the keys. "Well i'm off to see Obito and give him the summoning scroll." he said and turned to Jiraiya. "Hey Ero-sennin."

"Hmm?"

"Did you know that the salamanders hate to fight the toads?" Naruto said with a smile and walked out of the room.

* * *

10 minutes later; Uchiha compound.

"Hellooooo? Is anyone home?" Naruto asked as he walked into Obitos house (The Uchiha compound is like a small village).

"Yo! What's up?" asked Obito as he walked out of the living room.

"Haha! The cieling you moron!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Hmm... That's very wise." said Obito while cupping his chin. "So... did you get it?"

"Yep. And Konan told Pein she was pregnant." Naruto answered with a grin and gave the summoning scroll to Obito.

"Really?!" Obito asked excitedly. "How did he take it?"

"The poor sap passed out." said Naruto and Obito started laughing. "Oh and by the way. Word of advice: Don't use the salamander summon against me."

"What? Why?" Obito asked .

"Because the salamanders fear and i quote 'Those crazy ass toads'."

"I hate you..." Obito muttered. He thought he had finally found something that he could surpass Naruto in. Since Hanzo beat Jiraiya he naturally assumed that both had used summons. But appearently not.

"I love to." Joked Naruto and started walking out of the house but stopped and turned when he reached the door. "Oh. I got a new house."

"Really? Where?"

"149 Teal Drive." Naruto said and walked out.

* * *

1 hour later; Kishimoto Dango stand

Kurenai was sitting in the sun munching on a stick of dango without a care in the world when Naruto came and sat down at her table. Causing her to choke on the dango.

"N-Naruto-kun? What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Itachi told me something a little more than a week ago. He said that he had heard you and Anko-chan talking. And appearently you said something." he said making Kurenai choke on the dango. Again...

"S-Said something? W-What did he tell you i said?" she asked fearing the answer.

"He said; and i quote the quote 'I can't just walk up to him and say 'Hey Naruto guess what! I'm in love with you!'. What if he doesn't feel the same way?'. So is it true?" he asked with a raised eyebrow while Kurenai sighed in defeat.

"Yes." she said with her head down.

"Did you know that i had a crush on you when i was 8 years old to when i was 11?" he asked casually making Kurenais head shoot up.

"W-What? N-No i didn't know that." she said. "Why?" she asked with a hint of hope in evident in her face.

"I can't really say that i'm in love with you." Naruto said making Kurenai lower her head again. "But i don't even know you well enough to know that now do i?" he asked getting up from his seat making Kurenais head shoot up yet again. "So how about i take you out for a date tomorrow night?" he asked "Say 6 pm?"

"O-Okay but what about Tsume-san?" Kurenai said also getting up "And Anko?"

"Yeah them... i'm afraid i don't know them well enough to be in love with them either." Naruto said and started walking away. "Well i guess i'll see you tomorrow then. Ja Ne." he said and gave a small wave.

"Y-Yeah Ja Ne." she said 'What the hell is wrong with me? I'm starting to sound like Hinata for christs sake!'

* * *

**There! All done.**

**Now, i need a co author! Anybody out there who wants to write some lemon scenes for me please let me know!**

**'sigh' I hate writing lemons.**

**Well. Next chapter: Naruto takes Kurenai on a date and tells her about the harem thing.**

**Ja Ne...**

**R&R!!! PEIN-SAMAS PIERCED CHILD COMMANDS YOU!!!!**


	9. Translation AN

**Ahaha. Sorry but i forgot the translations in the last chapter so here they are:**

**(1) Kamaitachi no Jutsu - Cutting Whirlwind Technique**

**(2) Kuro Kitsune Endan - Black Fox Missle**

**(3) Kuchiyose no Jutsu - Summoning technique**

**(4) Gamagunsha - Toad Tank**

**Sorry if you thought this was a chapter.**

**PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!**

**'Disappears in a puff of smoke**


	10. The date and the end

**This is kinda awkward. I think i'm going to rewrite this story without the harem.**

**I can't write harems... i just wanted to say this together with the new chapter and not a AN 'cause then you would probably have sent ninjas after me...**

**So! I'm gonna make a rewrite! This is the last chapter of this story, so be on the lookout for the rewrite!**

**This is gonna be a short chapter.

* * *

**Konoha; the same day

Naruto was inspecting his new house, no, not house. MANSION!

It had 10 bedrooms, all with a separate bathroom, an indoor onsen, a huge living room, a kitchen, a huge dojo with various weapons on the walls and a jutsu library that's to die for.

Naruto looked through the library looking for some jutsu he didn't know. He found one. 'Hiraishin(1)?!' thought Naruto as he looked at the scroll in his hands. 'The jutsu that gave Tou-san his nickname. Let's see here. Kunai mould, strange shape... might take some time adjusting to... anyway, seal schematics and jutsu description. Cool!' he thought and unsealed the kunai mould. 'Guess i'll have to go get some kunais made then!' he thought and shunshined out of the house and appeared in front of the 'Wolf Claw weapon shop' which he entered.

"Welcome!" said a familiar voice making Naruto turn to the counter.

"Huh? TenTen?" he asked.

"Oh! Naruto-kun! Long time no see!" she exclaimed while waving.

"Yeah... listen, i need some special kunais made." Naruto said and gave her the mould.

"What kind of a kunai is this?" she asked as she investigated the mould. "Looks strange to me."

"Yes it does but i need it for a jutsu my father used." Naruto said with a smile.

"Alright. Hang on." TenTen said and turned towards a door leading to a backroom. "Tou-san! Come here for a minute!" and out came a man in his mid forties with soot covering most of his face.

"What is it TenTen?"

"Naruto here wants a special kunai made." she said and gave her father the mould. Higarashi Dustin was just about to say something when Naruto interfered.

"Actually, i need about 100 of them." he said with a grin.

"Kid. Where did you get this mould?" Dustin asked while looking suspiciously at Naruto.

"I got it from a scroll in my fathers jutsu library. Why?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow.

"And who is your father?"

"Can't you guess? How many other ninjas have blond spikey hair and blue eyes?" Naruto said making Dustins jaw drop to the floor.

"So... So then you're Minatos..." Dustin asked wide eyed.

"Yup!" Naruto exclaimed and grinned. TenTen however were confused.

"Dad. Who's Minato? And what's with the kunai?"

"TenTen, Namikaze Minato was our Yondaime hokage and this kunai is the kunai that allowed him to use the jutsu that made him famous." Dustin said making TenTen go wide eyed.

"Y-Yondaime? Your father is the Yondaime?" she asked while staring at Naruto in disbelief. Naruto just kept the grin on his face.

"Yup... Soo... can you make 100 of those for me?" Naruto asked.

"Sure! I'll be happy to make these kunais again!" exclaimed Dustin.

"Great! when do you think their done?" Naruto asked.

"Umm 100 of these will take about 3 days to make and it takes about 3 days to ship the special metal for 'em so about 6 days. And it will cost $10,000."

"Okay! I'll be here in 6 days then." Naruto said and walked out of the store waving at the two.

* * *

Dojo; 5 pm 

Naruto was just finishing his training with his zanbatou when Obito came in with a amazed look on his face.

"Awesome dude! You got an onsen, a jutsu library AND a dojo!" he said looking around. "How the hell did you get this house?"

"It belonged to my father." Naruto said casually.

"Really? Who was he?"

"He was known as Konohas Yellow Flash and Yondaime hokage." Naruto said making Obito go wide eyed. "But his name was Namikaze Minato."

"Woah... That's cool..."

"Yeah."

"Oh, by the way. Did you have anything to do with the loss of underwear in the Hyuuga compound?" Obito asked.

"Maybe..." said Naruto with a mischievious smile and sat down by a table in the dojo.

"I'll take that as a yes." said Obito and sat down across the table from Naruto "So... What're your plans for tomorrow?"

"I got a date." Naruto said and looked at Obito "Why?"

"Damn. I was hoping you'd help me invent a new prank." Obito said knowing that Naruto usually stopped whatever he was doing whenever Obito mentioned a new prank. But he didn't.

"Too bad. 'Cause i got a date with Kurenai-chan!" Naruto exclaimed and started pumping his fist into the air. "But we can start inventing a new prank the day after tomorrow. I don't think i'm doing anything then."

* * *

Next day; Kurenais house; 6 pm. 

Naruto stood outside Kurenais house pretty anxious. He had it all planned out. 'Okay, Naruto. Play it cool. Take her to the resturant and play it cool ok? Cool.' he thought and knocked on the door. 'Why am i getting so nervous about this?' he thought and the door opened to reveal Kurenai. With only a very small towel covering not so much of her body. A small trickle of blood made its way out of Narutos nose. "Woah... I-I mean... Woah..." was all Naruto could say.

"Naruto-kun? Is it 6 pm already?" Kurenai asked. Naruto could only nod. "Why don't you come in and wait for me to get dressed?" she said and moved to the side. Naruto walked in and quickly wiped the blood off his nose. "Please. Sit down." she said and pointed at the couch in the living room.

"...Okay..." said Naruto in a monotone voice and sat down captivated by her beauty as she walked away. 'Damn! What the hell is this?! Look away! Is it a genjutsu? KAI! What the hell? KAI! She's a witch!' he thought as he found himself unable to look away.

5 minutes later she came into he living room wearing a tight black dress. Short dress. That showed her hypnotising legs causing Naruto to find himself unable to look away... again. 'No! Not again! Witch! Witch! Look away! Damn her...'

"Naruto-kun? Are you okay?" Kurenai asked with concern in her eyes. But Naruto never saw that since his eyes had other targets. The legs. "Umm... Naruto-kun?" she asked causing Narutos head to snap up.

"What? Yeah i'm fine. Let's go shall we?" he asked and started walking out of the house. "I've made reservations at 'The Burning Leaf'. You look beautiful by the way." he said and walked out with Kurenai following closely.

* * *

The Burning Leaf; ten minutes later 

"N-Naruto-kun! This is the most expensive resturant in town!" Kurenai exclaimed as they stood infront of the fansy resturant.

"Yeah. I wanted to make a good impression on you." said Naruto while scratching his head. "It's my treat."

"Well you sure did. How can you afford eating at a place like this?" she asked looking at Naruto wide eyed.

"Well. Akatsuki only did S-ranked missions and me and Obito did about 1 mission every three days. $50,000 per mission split in two is $25,000, 2 missions a week for two years. I can afford it."

When they got inside Kurenai went even more wide eyed. There was only one word that could describe that place. Magnificent

"Ah Uzumaki-san! Welcome. I have your table ready right next to the window over here." said a waiter and led them to a window with a view of the Hokage tower and the monument.

"Thank you very much Renji-san (Bleach character. Couldn't think of a name...)." Naruto said.

"No, thank you Uzumaki-san. Now what can i get you and the lovely lady this evening?" he asked and took out a notebook from his pocket.

"Umm i'll have the onigiri and some of Iwas finest sake please." said Naruto politely.

"And i think i'll have the same please." Kurenai said with a small smile. She still couldn't believe that she was being treated the most expencive resturant in Konoha.

"Coming right up." said Renji and walked away. When he was gone Naruto clapped his hands together.

"Well. How about we talk alittle while we wait for the food?"

"Okay... So how was your trip to Ame?" Kurenai asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well... First i had to go through about one hundred of Hanzos guards and then i had to try to find him in his castle like house. I ran past him four times mistaking him for a statue." he said making Kurenai burst into laughter.

"Why would you mistake him for a statue?" she asked through giggles.

"Well first of all, he was about 9 feet tall. Secondly; he was waaay to ugly to be a human, and thirdly; he stood stock still. He didn't even look like he even was able to breathe." he said making Kurenai burst out laughing again.

"Was he hard to fight?"

"Meh... He packed one hell of a punch but when he resorted to summonings the battled was doomed for him." Naruto said with a grin.

"What? How so?" Kurenai asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Appearently the salamander summons fear the toad summons' skills with a blade." Naruto said with a huge grin on his face. "The toad summons are so cool!"

"Yeah i guess they are. I mean Jiraiya-sama and Yondaime-sama both used them so they are bound to be kinda awesome." Kurenai said while looking out the window.

"Yeah... They're my blood bound clan summons you know." Naruto said making Kurenai go wide eyed.

"W-What? B-But what does that mean?" she stuttered.

"It means that if someone outside of my clan tries to sign the contract the blood will not stick." Naruto stated matter-of-factly.

"B-But then that means that you're..."

"Yup. I'm the son of the Yondaime hokage and grandson of Jiraiya and Tsunade of the sannin. Meaning that i'm related to four of the five faces on that monument." Naruto said and pointed at the monument.

"Wow... This is alot to take in." Kurenai said sitting there still wide eyed.

Yeah i know." Naruto said when Renji came out with the food.

"And here is your food. Hope you'll have a nice meal." he said and bowed.

"I'm sure we will Renji-san" Naruto said and gave Renji a healthy tip.

"Ah, thank you very much Uzumaki-san!" Renji exclaimed and walked away.

They kept talking while eating their onigiri and drinking their sake having a wonderful time.

1 hour later you can find a tipsy Naruto and a not-so-sober Kurenai standing outside her house.

"I had a great time tonight Naruto-kun." said Kurenai while wobbling a little.

"Yeah me too. We should do it again sometime." Naruto said. "Well i better go home now. Goodnight." he said and gave Kurenai a quick peck on the lips. Or what he thought was going to be a quick peck on the lips. The next thing he knew he was in a full blown tongue war with Kurenai. After five minutes of that they had to break to catch their breathes.

"Are you sure you don't wanna come inside?" asked Kurenai using the puppy dog eyes. Naruto could only nod dumbly and be led inside.

(This is where there would be a lemon. I think there will be one in the rewrite.)

* * *

Next day; Kurenais house

Naruto woke up to the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen. He got out of bed, put on a pair of pants and walked out into the kitchen.

"Good morning." he said when he saw Kurenai standing there making bacon and eggs. (God i love bacon and eggs.)

"Good morning Naruto-kun." she asked setting two plates of B&E (Bacon and eggs. Duuuh) on the table.

They ate while talking about Narutos Akatsuki life of pranks. After the meal Kurenai had to go take a shower. Then someone rang the doorbell.

"Can you get that?" Kurenai yelled from the bathroom.

"Okay." Naruto shouted back and opened the door to see... Team 8!

Now there were three different reactions.

Hinata passed out from seeing Naruto without a shirt.

Shino raised both eyebrows in surprise.

And Kiba started shouting.

"What the fuck dude?! First you fuck my mom and now my sensei!! Are you trying to piss me off?!" he yelled trying to break Narutos neck, only to be held back by Shino.

"No, not really. Pissing you off just comes as an added bonus dog breathe." Naruto said with a grin and Kiba started spouting some nonsence no one could understand.

"Anyway. Naruto-san. Can you tell Kurenai-sensei that Hokage-sama wants us to report for a mission at 1 pm?" Shino asked in a even more monotone voice than Itachi.

"Um, yeah sure." said Naruto and quickly closed the door when Shino walked away dragging a raging Kiba and an unconsious Hinata with him.

'How can she put up with that team?' he thought as he walked into the livingroom.

* * *

**And there i'm done! I won't keep writing this story so be on the lookout for the haremless version!**

**Cya!**


	11. Released!

**YO! ZnK here!**

**I have just released the edited version!**

**Chapter 8 will have to wait until i find someone to write lemons for me.**

**Ja Ne!!!  
Disappears in a puff of smoke**


End file.
